


Can't Pick Your Moves

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Chronic Illness, Dirk Gently Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, One Shot Collection, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-15 10:18:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 22,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18496909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Hurt/Comfort fics focusing on the Dirk Gently characters.Day 9: Recovery25 - Loss of Possessions (Dirk and Todd)26 - Forgiveness (Amanda and Todd)27 - Corporal Punishment (Dirk and Todd)





	1. Acceptance: Captivity - Amanda

**Author's Note:**

> A series of 27 fics grouped around 9 themes for Lourdesdeath’s birthday. Please pay attention to the chapter warnings! All of these oneshots are meant to be standalone pieces. My undying thanks to slytherinpirate and triffidsandcuckoos for their help in improving these!
> 
> Day 1: Acceptance.  
> 1 - Captivity (Amanda)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (Amanda hates the way her disease traps her. Warnings: None)

Amanda lay on her bed, exhausted, her arms wrapped protectively around herself. She had had an attack a couple of days ago, and was subsequently scared of sleeping in case another attack happened during the night. Nightmares were especially known to trigger attacks, and the more afraid she was, the more likely they were. Staring at the ceiling, Amanda couldn’t avoid wallowing in just how awful it was.

She hadn't been out of the house for a week, hadn't stepped beyond the front garden for a month. She felt trapped, staring at the same four walls each and every day. There was no one to talk to, and she'd read all of the books that she owned. 

She reached over, picked up her phone and called Todd again, hoping he'd pick up, wanting to hear his voice, needing the hope he gave her.

She hadn't always been like this. She had been confident once, hopeful. She'd played the drums with her friends, even filled in for the Mexican Funeral when Vic had broken his arm. And then the disease which ran through her family like a witch's curse had struck her. 

She caught sight of a pill bottle on the cabinet, thought about the dozens of empty pill bottles in the bathroom. She knew she should really tidy them up, but in a strange way it made her feel a little safer, to have those there, as proof to herself that she was doing everything she could to recover. Like Todd had told her: Just eat healthily (as healthily as she could when picking up a knife was dangerous), exercise (without raising her heartbeat too much), and try to stay positive (as her brain tortured her in new ways every moment it got). Simple.

Amanda’s phone buzzed. The message told her Todd had to cancel his visit, and she let herself cry. She needed to see him. He was her only real friend, the only person who ever visited. She knew he had work, and she was already asking so much of him by needing his money to pay for her medication. She wouldn’t allow herself to make a fuss, to be selfish and demand that he spent his time on her. But it all hurt, when there was nothing to do but watch daytime television, mess around online, and wait for the next attack.

She dropped the phone onto the bed beside her, and curled up under a blanket, trying to block out the light. 

She was scared, deep down, that this was all there was ever going to be. The same house, the same room, as her life closed down, and her pain took over.

***

Two days later, she was walking down the road towards the supermarket, her heart fluttering in her chest. The disease was with her. But the beat-up van was behind her every step, growling its support. It should have frightened her. She had read enough horror stories about women being kidnapped by people in creepy vans to know this was dangerous. But this felt safe. It felt like a friend, like someone holding her hand as she took each step away from the house. 

The van paused a little way from the shop, and Amanda found herself turning to wave at whoever was inside, a silent thank you for helping her take these first shaky steps. 

She picked up a basket from the pile by the entrance and walked inside, smiling when she saw a free sample of cheese. Feeling bold, she picked it up, shoving it in her mouth and grinning to herself at the taste. Each step she took was a little further from her prison. A little further than she had ever dreamed of going.

***

A month later she was in a stolen car, Vogel curled up in the passenger seat. He always cried in his sleep. She never commented on that, knowing that he was hurting. She knew he missed his friends. They both missed them. 

She was responsible, she had to be. She reminded herself of that, hands gripping the steering wheel as she stared at the road ahead. She had to look after Vogel, had to find the others and bring them home. Vogel stole food for her, and they looked out for each other. Todd was gone from her life. He could stay gone for all she cared. 

The fact that she had gone from being trapped inside a house all the time to having to constantly be on the run wasn't lost on her. But in a way it was easier. She had things to concentrate on now, a purpose she'd been missing in her old life, and even if her focus was just running from one state to the next, not knowing if they were being chased, she at least had a purpose, 

Amanda startled slightly as on the radio, an old Mexican Funeral song started to play. She grunted softly, reaching out and slamming her hand against it to change the station.

***

Two months later she was in the van, surrounded by the guys. The van was small, far smaller than her old house, and every time she called Todd the rest of the Rowdy 3 would all call out and join in the conversation with enthusiasm. But she could step out ofthe van any moment she needed, be out in fresh air, and sleep under the stars. She still had the disease. But it no longer kept her prisoner.


	2. Acceptance: Job Related Trauma - Farah/Tina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1: Acceptance.  
> 2 - Job Related Trauma (Farah/Tina)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (Farah would never be good enough for her family. Warnings: None)

Farah was a long way from perfect.

That thought had haunted her for years now,; the knowledge that no matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, she would never live up to the exacting standards that others put on her. She wasn't good enough.

That knowledge gnawed away at the back of her mind, a constant shadow to everything she did, every mistake she made, every interview she failed, and every time she felt her fear beginning to overwhelm her. She had failed her father, and Patrick Spring, and Dirk, who had been stolen away from right under her nose. More and more mistakes, adding on to a lifetime of them. It felt like every day she woke up, and the weight of her failures pushed her back down.

She fought those thoughts off because that was what she had been brought up to do. To fight away fear and pain and sadness, and keep going, because she had a job to do. She had found Dirk (or rather, Dirk had found them), and she had stopped the mage. 

She lay in her bed in the hospital, gunshot wounds carefully sutured and bandaged, and found herself thinking about all the mistakes she had made over the past few days, all the ways she had slowed them down, all the errors and problems that had arisen because of her foolishness. It was a lot to think about, the thoughts racing around in the back of her mind, chasing each other and spinning faster and faster. 

The door to her room creaked open, and she clenched her hands into fists to try and stop herself from hyperventilating. 

Tina, dressed in a hospital gown and sitting in a wheelchair, rolled into her room.  
"Hey." She grinned. "They said I could get out of bed today."  
"Hey Tina," Farah greeted her, already feeling herself relax because somehow things were just better with Tina there. It was hard to concentrate on the negatives with Tina as a distraction, even if she really questioned the other woman's idea of snacks. Tina had threatened to send a porter over with gummy worms yesterday, and Farah did not trust her choice of food. Tina wheeled over to the bed, and tried to haul herself up. Farah moved to help her, hissing slightly as the movement tugged a little at her stitches. Tina whimpered softly at her own movements, but soon had settled down against a pillow, a triumphant smile on her face.  
"Hey." She greeted Farah again, definitely aiming to sound cool and detached. Farah wasn't entirely sure it was working, but she appreciated the effort that was being made.

"How are you feeling?" Farah asked.  
"Good!" Tina grinned, then coughed. "I mean. Honestly not great? I got kind of shot. But I'm moving now, and you're here, so... this is probably one of the better...third of my experiences."  
Farah rolled her eyes, and looked away as Tina reached down the front of her gown with the arm that wasn't in a sling. A moment later she triumphantly pulled out a familiar golden star.   
"This is yours." 

Farah took it, and looked at it curiously. It was something she had always wanted as a child, but...  
"I don't deserve it."  
"It's yours. I'll only lose it, these outfits don’t have pockets. I asked the doctor for it, because it was on your uniform, and you should have it..."  
"Why?"  
"You're the best cop I've ever met. And I'm a better cop because of you. So you should... you should hold on to it, at least for now."  
"I'm not even a cop," Farah muttered, but Tina was attempting to snuggle up to her side, and right now that was her priority. She smiled softly, letting her do so even if it made Farah’s injuries hurt, because they both needed it.  
"We can... I'll miss you, after… after you go." Tina admitted.  
"You don't need to." Farah told her. She could be brave. "I mean, I can visit. It's only a few hours. And I want...I'd like to see you again."  
"You're the best thing that ever happened to this town." Tina muttered and Farah felt herself blushing slightly, cuddling closer against Tina. Tina wrapped her uninjured arm around her. "Hobbs wants us to play cards when we're up to it. He's gonna agree with me." She twisted, and brushed her lips against Farah's cheek.

Farah turned her head, her lips meeting Tina's own for a second before her eyes fluttered closed and she yawned. Tina laughed softly but held her close.

Farah found her mind drifting, half asleep in Tina's arms. Tina was smiling, and for once her mind wasn't being too loud, wasn't listing all of her failures. Farah was never going to be perfect. But Tina didn't expect her to be.


	3. Acceptance: Medication - Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1: Acceptance.  
> 3 - Medication (Todd)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Todd will have pararibulitis for the rest of his life. He's okay with that. Warnings: mentions of mental illness)

Todd had had his life all planned out, once. He was going to get rich playing in a band, become famous, sleep with at least four hundred and twenty hot ladies and make so much money that any past mistakes would be forgiven. He'd be doing so well that he wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Of course, it hadn't worked out like that. 

He had ended up destroying the band when they had found out his lies. Ten years of scrambling to make it big, and he had thrown it away by being selfish -- only it hadn't been a selfish act itself, just one driven by his past mistakes, because he had needed to get drugs for Amanda. He had needed the money and the instruments had been an easy target. So, no fame, no hot ladies, and no money. And no forgiveness. Amanda had trusted his lies until he told her truth, and he had shattered her into pieces with his words, nearly lost her entirely. He hadn't got rich. He had not benefited that much. If his parents still had the money, things would be different; but they wasted the money on him, and he'd used it to pursue a dream that had failed. 

When he thought about it too much, he found himself longing for a drink.

He yawned, staring at his reflection in the mirror and wondering what his younger self would make of where he was, how he'd ended up. This was definitely not what was planned but he wasn't at rock bottom either. That had been before his life had been disturbed, and while his life was bizarre now he didn't hate it the way he'd hated it before. 

He unscrewed the lid of his pills, opening his mouth and popping two on his tongue, before swallowing them. He needed to buy more soon. That was alright. Farah always ordered them anyway, and he could afford it now. He didn't have to choose between his food and his sister's medication; he had the money he needed, and she had found her own way of dealing with the illness. He had a job, and it was a damn weird job, but it was also better than working in a hotel. 

He grabbed his toothbrush, cleaned his teeth, and headed back to bed.

Dirk had stolen the blankets. He wasn't even shocked - this had become part of the morning routine. It was an improvement on when they had started to share a bed, and Dirk had been there frozen stiffly, but this was still a little ridiculous. He sat down by the side of the bed and called Dirk's name, then shook his shoulder. When there was still no response he shoved Dirk hard, sending him tumbling off the side of the bed. Todd smirked, sitting back triumphantly as Dirk flailed on the floor, still cocooned in the blankets that had broken his fall.

"I...That is not dignified, Todd. I will demote you back to assistant."  
"I know," Todd agreed, lying on the bed and watching the detective flail around like a particularly stupid caterpillar. "You'll demote me and then a few days later you'll feel bad and re-promote me, so it's not a very effective threat."

Dirk whined in response, and Todd crouched down to free him. 

Having regained control of his limbs, Dirk raced off to the bathroom to do whatever necessary preening he required before starting the day. Todd headed off to make breakfast, greeting Dirk with pancakes when Dirk emerged again.

Dirk kissed his cheek, before holding up an empty pill bottle. "Did you run out?"  
"There's a spare at work." Todd promised. "Plus I know you and Farah both keep them - "  
"Those are for emergencies, Todd. We won't have them for emergencies if you use them for not emergencies, so - "

"I'll order more later today if Farah hasn't already done it. I promise." He smiled at Dirk and reached out to squeeze his hand. "Eat your pancakes."  
Dirk definitely didn't need telling twice. Todd rolled his eyes when Dirk somehow got syrup in his hair, but when Dirk's foot bumped his beneath the table he bumped back in response. 

This wasn't what he had pictured; he doubted anyone could have imagined it. Even with the medication, he still had an attack every few days, and they were scary. He never knew when one would cause him real damage. There was no unimaginable wealth, no endless parade of hot women, no guilt-free existence. He had an illness which was terrifying, might one day kill him, and had no cure. But he woke up every morning to Dirk attempting to subtly steal his blankets, and went to work with friends, and in the evening he would curl up on the couch and watch stupid films while Dirk rambled about past cases that couldn't possibly be real. He smiled to himself.

"Why are you smiling?"

"You've got syrup in your hair."

"Don't be ridiculous Todd, I don't - " Dirk's words cut off as he raised a hand and found some syrup. He paused. "Stylistic choice?"

Todd laughed and grabbed a bite of pancake as Dirk flailed at his hair in an attempt to neaten it. It didn't seem to be working. Eventually Todd took pity, having eaten his own pancakes, and grabbed a damp cloth to clean up the syrup. Dirk rewarded him with a kiss and the expected nonsensical promotion, and the two of them walked to work. 

Farah had already left a bottle of pills waiting for him on his desk.


	4. Blackwing: Brainwashing - Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2: Blackwing  
> 4 - Brainwashing (Dirk)  
> Beta: Triffidsandcuckoos  
> (Svlad becomes Icarus, Icarus becomes Agent Cjelli, Agent Cjelli becomes CJ. Warnings: Referenced child abuse, use of dead names)

Svlad sat on his bed, staring at the teddy bear on the cabinet. She stared back at him, her button eyes shining, and he wondered if she was going to be a person-shape today. He liked her. She was his friend, but she didn't always want to be a person-shape. That was okay, they were friends anyway, and he wanted her to be happy, Still it was nice when she was person-shaped because he could hug her, and she would hug him back.

The door opened, and he looked up to see that the Colonel was there. The Colonel smiled, and held out his hand, and he wasn't Mister Priest, so Svlad tried to feel grateful as he got to his feet.

"Thank you for talking to her, Icarus," the Colonel was saying. Svlad didn't really understand why it bothered them when Lamia didn’t feel like being person-shaped. But he'd help her if he could. He didn't want her in trouble.

 

"That's okay," Svlad answered and the Colonel ruffled his hair, leading him through to his own testing. He frowned when he saw that today he would be getting shocks. He didn't like shocks. He wanted to cry.

***

Icarus didn't cry anymore. He did what he was meant to do, as much as he could, and tried not to argue. It didn't always work, but generally he found that if he was willing to try they punished him less. 

He stretched, crossing over to sit at his chair, startled a little by how high the cuffs of his jumpsuit were on his arms. He was growing again.

He had more tests to do today. He needed to get the answers right, because the Colonel wanted to show off his results, and there was an important funding meeting. Icarus didn't really understand, but he knew that if he did well he got to wear nice clothes and meet people, and tell them he was well looked after, and that he was allowed to say if he had any hunches. Doing well on his tests meant that he was helping Blackwing and he wanted to help Blackwing. They were good to him.

No one else wanted him. He was a freak and he existed only to be tested and studied. He knew that. Sometimes it still hurt, but he pushed that down, because he couldn't have feelings like that. It wasn't his purpose.

***

Agent Cjelli's purpose was to further Blackwing's cause. He was only Icarus on the rare occasions when Riggins wanted to show off what a talented young man he had become. Otherwise he was an agent. He had his own clothes, rather than ill-fitting jumpsuits - smart suits that had been picked out for him specially. The only thing that marked him out as different from the other agents was the embroidery at the cuff, the familiar symbol that matched the brand on his shoulder and tattoo above his heart.

He was allowed to tell people his hunches and to act on them most of the time. He was learning what was and wasn't acceptable. What it meant to be allowed outside of the compound. How to pretend that he was just out for a stroll, when he was walking down the street with a guard; when to reach for the stun gun they let him carry and turn off into an alleyway; when to follow an instinct and solve a case. 

The Colonel said he was proud of what Svlad had achieved, of who he had become. Agent Cjelli didn't think he could be Svlad anymore. Blackwing had killed him - had replaced him with something else. Something different. Something that could survive.

***

C.J. wasn't quite sure when he'd started to emerge, when Agent Cjelli started to question everything that he had been told. Maybe it had been when he'd found a brightly coloured ribbon, wrapped it around his wrist and hidden it from view. Maybe when he had smiled at a stranger. When he had stopped following a hunch to rescue a teenager in distress. When he had realised he'd managed to shake his escort half an hour ago. When he discovered how high he could climb, just to breathe fresh air and see the sky.

C.J. knew he wasn't allowed to exist. There was no place for him in Agent Cjelli's life. But permission didn't change the fact he was there, that he existed, that he was full of life and not willing to give it up. He learned to hide behind a fake smile, and the Colonel never suspected a thing.


	5. Blackwing: Touch Starved - Rowdies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2: Blackwing  
> 5 - Touch Starved (Rowdies)  
> Beta: Triffidsandcuckoos  
> (Martin doesn't mind the pain, not when compared to being kept away from his boys. Warnings: strong language, mentions of violence, references to child abuse and psychological abuse)

Martin had always known his brother was a fucking bastard. Ever since they'd been little, Ozzie had always been the one who liked cutting things open. He'd thought, at first, that Ozzie wanted to know how things worked, but that wasn't it at all. He wanted to stop them working; wanted to see things howling in pain and know he was the cause. And today, Ozzie got that.

The kid was screaming. 

Martin snarled, the noise a threat which would make any other guard step back. They all knew that the Rowdy Three were dangerous, even muzzled and in straitjackets. Ozzie just took a step towards Martin though, holding up the tiniest Rowdy and shaking the kid roughly, before dropping him to the ground and pointing to the door. Vogel scurried toward it, looking back at Martin, his eyes wide and uncertain but with a glint of hope there, and Martin knew why. The kid thought he was going to step forwards and attack, to drain Ozzie, and then he'd be able to pick Vogel up again. The way they'd done with that other guard. They'd been starving and he'd tried to hurt them, and that had been reason enough to eat. But it wasn't going to work like that. It never worked like that with Ozzie - never had.

"You should teach that kid of yours some manners, before someone else decides to do it," Ozzie spat, and Martin struggled against the restraints. Not because he thought he'd get free - he wasn't that naïve. But Ozzie was like a cat: Give him something wounded that he could paw at, dangle in his claws, and you could get his total attention. Ozzie laughed, reaching out to ruffle Martin's hair, then pulling his fist back and slamming it into Martin's face. Martin howled in pain and almost fell, and then a moment later he did hit the floor as Ozzie swept his legs out from under him. He lay there panting, feeling blood matting in his hair, and glared up at Ozzie.

"You can't boss me around anymore, Martin. You gotta stop counting on fond memories to protect you, to let you get away with taking liberties - " He shook his head. "I can't go easy on you anymore."

Martin snarled at him again, waiting for the pain to start. He could take a beating, always had been able to, and if he was being hurt then Vogel wasn't. 

Ozzie kicked him a couple of times, more out of obligation than any actual anger, and then he turned away.

"See, Martin?" The smirk was audible as he stepped away from him, leaving him on the floor. "You don't get to control any of this. The kid and I are gonna go and have a little discussion about when it's appropriate to feed on people and when it isn't, and you and your boys can spend some time in your boxes. I'll see if we can get one made for the kid as well."

Martin flinched slightly at that. They'd never put Vogel in one of the isolation pits the way they'd put the older Rowdies in there, shocking them if anyone made a noise. Ozzie's laugh indicated he knew he'd hit home with that threat. He walked away, sending in a couple of the other guards.

***

By the time it was over, and the four of them were reunited, most of Vogel's bruises had faded. He curled up on Martin's lap, Gripps and Cross either side of them, and they clung to each other as though they would never have to let go.


	6. Blackwing: Begging - Svlad and Riggins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2: Blackwing  
> 6 - Begging (Svlad and Riggins)  
> Beta: Triffidsandcuckoos  
> (Svlad wants his nightmares to stop. Warnings: References to death, child abuse, emotional manipulation, anxiety attacks)

Laughter haunted his dreams. At night, Svlad could see the dead bodies that followed Mister Priest, the people that had died because of Svlad's own mistakes. He could see his mother, smiling at him and telling him he'd be alright, to go with the nice men. He could hear the gunshot echoing as he stepped out of the door.

Mister Priest had laughed as he'd caught up. Svlad remembered that, remembered crying that first night, when Riggins had given him a teddy bear and taken him to his room and left him alone, without a proper nightlight or a bedtime story. Svlad hadn't been able to sleep that night - he'd felt too afraid, too lost. The next day the tests had exhausted him to the point that he had slept, and no dreams had come.

But he'd been here a few months now. He was used to it, in a way. He no longer felt utterly exhausted when he closed his eyes, and that brought a new problem. Because now he was awake, trying to get to sleep, and he could think through all of the mistakes that he had made since arriving. All the mistakes he had made before he'd even come here. All the times he'd let himself be a freak, when he should have found a way to hide it, and now this was his life.

And when he did sleep, it brought nightmares.

He was in the grip of one now, seeing his mother's face twisting and distorting in rage as an alarm blared at him that he was wrong. He was always wrong, he was never good enough. He was a monster, a freak, a danger. He could never go home, because he had destroyed his home, and he was a risk to everyone else. He was wrong. Breathing felt hard. He gasped for air but it wasn't filling his lungs properly. He tried to call out, to get his mum to come and help him but she wasn't coming, she was never going to -

A hand gripped his shoulder and reluctantly he opened his eyes, waiting to see what monster had come for him. And Colonel Riggins was there. He smiled, held out his arms, and pulled Svlad close. Svlad whimpered softly, leaning his face against the Colonel's shoulder, shaking and sobbing in his arms. He could hear himself pleading; didn't even know why.

"Please... please..."

"It's alright Icarus. Svlad. You're safe now. You're safe and it's over. You did well today. I know you didn't mean to do badly before, it's okay..."

"I'm sorry." Svlad whispered, because he was sorry. He did so badly, made so many mistakes that he didn't mean to, and got hurt so badly for it. He didn't want to mess things up; didn't want to ruin everything.

"I know, I know..." Riggins murmured gently, still rubbing Svlad's back. Svlad tried to match his breathing to the movement, to calm down. He shouldn't be making a scene. It was bad to make a fuss, to be difficult, to cause problems. He knew that. He didn't want to be bad.

"You're doing well, Svlad. It's alright. You did well today." Riggin's voice was soothing and Svlad tried to cling to that - to the knowledge he wasn't ruining everything. Once he had his tears under control, Riggins smiled at him.

"Svlad, what was wrong?"

"I ... I was scared," Svlad admitted. "I kept thinking about...about before-"

"I know," Riggins soothed. "You hurt people before. Innocent people died because of what you are. But you are where you belong now, and you are doing well. We can help you to control this, Svlad. We can help you help people. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Svlad nodded, and Riggins patted his hair, standing up and stepping away with a smile. 

"You get some sleep now. You've got a full day of testing tomorrow." 

Svlad nodded and Riggins headed out, the light dimming behind him. Left alone, Svlad curled up under the blanket and hoped that there would be no more nightmares to come tonight.


	7. Case Fic: Dungeon - Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3: Case Fic  
> 7 - Dungeon (Dirk)  
> 8 - Accidental Mating for Life (Dirk and Todd)  
> 9 - Crucifixion (Tina and Todd)
> 
> Day 3: Case Fic  
> 7 - Dungeon (Dirk)  
> Beta: Triffidsandcuckoos  
> (Dirk has been held prisoner before. What's different this time is that someone is coming to save him. Warnings: Vague references to past torture.)

Dirk was bored, which in itself was almost a relief. Previous kidnappings had been a lot more painful than this particular one. There were no tortures this time, which was quite enjoyable if he was honest. Not being tortured was one of his favourite things to be.

He didn't actually know who the group of blond men who had kidnapped him were. He didn't recognise them, but apparently they recognised him. Still, it didn't particularly matter. They'd grabbed him because he'd wandered off in a way that he knew he shouldn't do, and had decided he was exactly what they needed for whatever it was that they were doing. He wasn't completely sure what that was - they definitely tied in with the missing shoes and the appearing scarves somehow, but he wasn't quite sure how.

He tried to work it out, but there were no easy answers jumping out at him - nothing yelling to him ‘it works like this’. He knew that something would start to make sense at some point in the future, because it always did, but he hadn't been on the case for very long yet and so he was still at the screaming and running stage.

Or he would have been, if not for the fact he was currently locked in what appeared to be a basement, with only one small barred window for light. The basement itself wasn't actually unpleasant - there was a heater that stopped it from getting too cold, and he'd been left with a water bottle and some protein bars so he wasn't that hungry. He'd been given some blankets and a sleeping bag, and had constructed himself quite a comfortable little corner where he was able to lie in the sunlight during the day. There was a room off to the side with a toilet and sink, so water and bathroom needs were taken care of, and his captors hadn't even shown themselves.

All things considered, it was a rather impressive improvement over Blackwing. There didn't appear to be any testing or any demands. There were no buttons he had to push, or answers to guess, or mistakes that he could make. No one was shocking him or hitting him or hurting him.

If anything, he was bored. Which was a new sensation, and an unpleasant one, but definitely better than tortured.

It didn't matter though. Things weren't ideal (they weren't terrible, but the room was small and he could be at home on the couch with Todd) but they weren't going to last. This wasn't like the first time he'd been in Blackwing, when he thought he was never going to get out, and when he had got out it had been chaos and him running alone. It wasn't even like the second time, where he'd felt helpless. Because this time, he had a good feeling about everything. He knew that Todd and Farah would be looking for him and he had faith in them. They were going to come and save him and he wouldn't be trapped forever. That was a pleasant thought - one he held on to as he watched dust motes circling through the air, spinning and rising as he breathed.

He thought of that ridiculous film Todd had insisted they watch, about the blondes somewhere in Essex, because _it's British Dirk, you'll like British things_ , and the children had turned out to be aliens. Maybe it was like that. It was at least a working theory, which he could turn over in his mind while awaiting rescue. It stopped him being just some damsel in distress; it meant that he was actually helping towards the case. He suspected the others wouldn't be happy if he solved it by being kidnapped, with Farah going through her normal explanation of how it would be much better not to know and for him to be not-kidnapped. In a way it was nice, to matter to his friends more than the case.

He picked up one of his protein bars, peeling back the wrapper as he heard an explosion in the room above. He shrugged and began to eat. The others would be here soon, and he could tell them about his working aliens-theory, and reassure them that he wasn't injured. And maybe he would tell them that he hadn't been as afraid this time, because he had known they were on their way.

He heard the door rattling and a frantic voice on the other side call out his name, and he stood up just as Todd and Farah burst into the room, both looking out of breath. He saw the way relief flashed in their eyes when they saw him, and he smiled, running to them, embracing them both until Farah shooed him away to focus on getting them all out in one piece, because she was awesome like that. Todd held him close, because he knew Dirk needed to be held, and he was awesome too. And they were smiling, and both talking at once, and he knew he'd been right to trust them. Because they were always going to come and find him.


	8. Case Fic: Accidental Mating for Life - Todd/Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3: Case Fic  
> 8 - Accidental Mating for Life (Todd and Dirk)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (24 hours ago Todd hadn't even heard of soul strings. Warnings: Accidental soulbonds?)

Todd wished he knew what the strangest thing that his job entailed was, just so that he could reassure himself the rest of the time it wasn’t as bad as that.. He was tempted to say his current predicament rated pretty high up there, but given the past week had involved 3 eyed fish, levitating monks and Mona deciding to be a concept, this probably didn't even make it in the top ten. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It was just that his life was more weird than he could easily explain, because this was fucking bizarre. 

The bizarre thing was a string which emerged from his right wrist, joining a string that emerged from his heart, and another that emerged from his left wrist. A "string" might have been the wrong word for it. It was a thin cord, sparkling silver from his hand and right wrist, the left one tarnished, that twisted together, curled across the floor, over to where Dirk was sitting in his chair. It tangled with the golden string that flowed from him, the two of them braiding and merging together, forming something solid and inseparable. Farah had a faint string from her hands and heart as well - one he could see, and which apparently was invisible to her. It flowed away into the distance, seeming to disappear through the wall. Her string was white, and there was a slight blue tinge towards the end. Todd already knew that if he followed it for far enough, he'd run into Tina.

Dirk spun his chair, and smiled over at Todd.  
"So?" he asked, casually, because apparently he couldn't see it either. Couldn't see the way they were tied together for eternity. "What do you think? Where’s the client's gone?"  
"I don't know." Todd admitted, trying to be honest, but not quite sure how to bring up his latest hallucination.  
"Are you sure they'll be coming back?" Farah looked up from her seat. "I mean, they seemed... strange."  
"Strange." Dirk echoed, raising his eyebrows. "Lots of rambling about souls and things, I hope they aren't an offshoot of the men of the machine."   
"I don't think they are." Todd murmured. "She seemed... strange, but not..." Their client had arrived late last night, explaining that she had broken her soul, and they needed to fix it. She had been frantic, so it had been Todd who calmed her down and tried to get the story. She explained that she had found her soulmate, and that the two of them had been happy, planning their marriage until something had gone wrong and suddenly her partner had disappeared.

Todd had thought that he had been doing pretty well not laughing at the idea of soulmates, until he had made the mistake of hugging her (she had seemed desperate for a hug). He had blinked, and when he had opened his eyes again he had seen the string that trailed helplessly from her, cutting off a few feet from her body. The end looked like it had been torn somehow. The client had explained that her girlfriend had fallen down a hole, and just wasn't there when she'd looked. Todd had wanted to ask about what he was seeing but he didn't know how. His heart was racing, and his mouth felt a little bitter with guilt at the fact he had doubted her before.

"I think we need to go and investigate where her girlfriend disappeared," Dirk said firmly, and Todd agreed.. He watched in awe as the string between them shrunk as they came closer, blurring together and then stretching apart as Dirk hurried out of the door, Todd following close behind. The three of them had piled into the car to drive there

They drove to the hole, looking around.  
"Alice?" Farah called. "Alice?"   
Todd heard a sudden sob, and looked up to find their client curled up among the branches of a tree, sobbing to herself.   
"Dirk...?" he pointed up, and Dirk glanced up before he started to try and get her to climb down as Todd looked around for any sign of where Alice could have gone. 

It didn't take long for him to see the end of a cord laying on the leaf litter. He traced it back, and found a young woman hiding behind a bush, her arms around herself.  
"Alice?"  
"I...I fell through. There were… people with pink hair, they got me back," She murmured. "But it broke and...." She started crying more heavily, too much to talk. Todd swallowed, suddenly wondering how he would feel if he saw the cable connecting him and Dirk sliced through. He reached out and patted her shoulder.  
"Try...try and talk to her. She needs that much at least?" He suggested, and Alice stumbled up to her feet.

Dirk had coaxed their client down from the tree by the time Todd and Alice reached them, and the moment the two women saw each other they raced together, embracing tightly. They kissed, and is they did so Todd saw the ends of their strings fade back into their body, and then return between them, stronger than ever. Their client smiled, and so did Alice. Todd blinked, and then the lines were gone, but he could still feel the tie there. Their client was smiling at him again.   
"Thank you," she whispered, and then Farah was ushering them back towards the office. Todd could see that Dirk kept sneaking glances at him, and he wondered if Dirk could feel it too. They were meant to be together, this case had just proved it.


	9. Case Fic: Crucifixion - Todd and Tina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3: Case Fic  
> 9 - Crucifixion (Todd and Tina)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (Tina and Todd hang around and talk about their partners. Warnings: Torture)  
> (Posted a day late due to unfortunate timings)

"Hey, Todd?" Tina's voice cut through Todd's thoughts, and he opened his eyes to look at her, not sure what he should have expected. She sounded like she was high, but he thought that it was probably the pain that she was in. She looked pale, her eyes seeming unfocused, and he wished he could reach her.  
"Yeah?" He answered, trying to ignore the way his own voice shook. Tina was scared already, he didn’t want to freak her out more by letting her know he was panicked too.  
"You said in an interview once that you..." her voice trailed off, and he started to panic before she continued. "You said your parents used to make you go to church..."

"Yeah?" Todd asked, wondering where this question was going. He wondered whether Tina had somehow found God in the middle of a torture session or something. He could probably deal with that as long as the God she found was willing to let her carry on being herself. "Why?"  
"How long do you think we've got?" she asked, and the question made sense, even as it sent a wave of nausea through him. "Because I...I can't breathe."

Todd tried not to think about the documentaries he'd watched when he was a teenager, angry at the world, which had talked about hypoxia and brain damage and dislocation. He could hear Tina's breath -- it had taken on a rattling quality which was worrying even without everything else. When it was combined with the way his own shoulders and ribs felt like they were on fire, and a pararibulitis attack likely any moment, he felt helpless.  
"Long enough," he told her, because he had to say something. 

"I just... just wanted to... to help you guys... on a case." Tina was explaining, and every word was a struggle. Todd thought about telling her to be quiet, but he thought she was probably talking because she felt she needed to, because the idea of being silent was too much. Selfishly, he didn't want her to be quiet, because her voice was the only distraction he had right now from the way the top of his body felt like it was about to explode.

"You did good." He gasped out.  
"We got... caught." She answered, and glancing over he saw that she had gone a little limp against her bonds, her knees bent slightly as she struggled to remain in place. She was going to pass out soon, he was sure of it -- he could see it in the blankness in her eyes, the way her every breath echoed around the room.  
"Yeah, but... but they'll find us." Todd answered, and he could already see the room darkening around the edges, but he could see the lighting hadn’t changed. He tried to fight back, but he was getting weaker now, each breath more of an effort than the one before. 

Todd hoped he hadn't lied when he had told her they had long enough. He didn't want to die, not now. Not when he and Dirk had finally spoken about their feelings, not when he and Amanda were repairing their relationship, not when Farah was happy and starting to talk about learning the guitar to impress Tina. He coughed.  
"Hey, Tina?" There was no response, so he tried again. "Tina? Farah's trying to... learn guitar...wants to play...for you." The words were a struggle, but he forced them out because if Tina heard that, it might give her a reason to fight, and he couldn't lose her. Not when their captors had just left the two of them tied up to die.

Todd had always known that he was the weakest part of the agency - not highly trained or the universe's favourite. But it sucked when other people worked that out, used it against him. He cleared his throat as best as he could.  
"Tina?" 

The silence stretched on, and Todd whimpered, his chest tight with fear. He could feel an attack building, and when a loud noise suddenly echoed around the room, shaking the dust off the floor and making him cough, he at first wasn't sure if he was just having an attack. The room was still getting darker and then he was falling forwards and there was noise but he couldn't work out what it was. Not until he opened his eyes, and was faced with the most obnoxious shade of yellow.

"She's safe." Dirk's voice was grounding, soft, as was the gentle hand tracing Todd's spine through his jacket. He whimpered, nuzzling into the touch, trying to hear his words. "Farah's with her. You're okay. Help is on its way." Dirk sounded a little tearful, but his voice was steady as he spoke.

Todd didn't have words to respond. He just leaned forwards, inhaling Dirk's scent, and reaching out towards him as best as he could. He gripped onto Dirk tightly, not willing to let him go.


	10. Agency Life: Prostitution - Dirk and Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4 Agency Life  
> 10 - Prostitution (Dirk and Todd)  
> 11 - Washing Someone (Farah/Tina)  
> 12 - Learning to be loved (Dirk)
> 
> Day 4: Agency Life.  
> 10 - Prostitution (Dirk and Todd)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (Todd and Dirk disagree about the universe's way of doing things. Warnings: Discussions of prostitution, references to past dub-con, the universe being a little shit. Thanks go to V for the car line!)

Todd couldn't help smiling at Dirk across the table in the diner. It wasn't his fault, the man was ridiculous. But he did look happy, sipping on a strawberry milkshake, his coat now the same shade so that they matched. Todd had tried to remind him that most people's jackets didn't change colour in public, but Dirk had dismissed that comment with the same breezy smile that he always used when Todd tried to be sensible. Todd knew he should be offended by the way Dirk waved his concerns away, but deep down he found it kind of endearing. After the Spring case, Bergsberg, and being briefly stuck in a parallel dimension, it was good to just sit with Dirk and watch him drink something with far too much sugar. Farah had gone to visit friends in Bergsberg, and Mona had been quite clear that she wanted to spend the weekend as a jacket, so it was just the two of them.

Dirk noticed the smile, mirrored it, and then offered his straw to Todd. Todd wrinkled his nose slightly, thinking about his reputation, about his self respect - and then he reached out to take the milkshake, because he would sacrifice his self-respect in a heartbeat for Dirk. Plus, actually, he thought the milkshake tasted pretty good.

Dirk's foot brushed his under the table and Todd raised an eyebrow, looking at Dirk closely. It was because he was looking so closely that he saw the minute expressions Dirk cycled through - a furrowed brow meaning confusion, then eyes slightly wider for fear, and then a smile as he pretended everything was right. Todd paused in his own sip of drink, looking at him curiously.

"Dirk?"

"Yes, Todd?" Dirk asked, and his voice had gone strangely high pitched. Todd wished that whatever had just happened hadn’t happened, but he couldn't change it now, he just needed to handle it.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Why would anything be wrong?" Dirk asked, his eyes flicking past Todd's shoulder and then back to his face.

Todd turned around, half-fearing he'd find himself faced with whatever Blackwing was throwing this time. Instead of uniforms, there were a couple of guys and a redheaded girl, around their age, talking quietly and laughing. 

"Dirk?" He insisted, "Come on man. Tell me what's wrong."

"I've... I can't come back today with you, Todd." Dirk said, sounding utterly dejected. "I was... I was really looking forwards to watching a film with you."

"We can still watch a movie. And get pizza. You can get pineapple, remember?"

Dirk flashed him a brief smile then sighed and shook his head.

"You see that guy there? The one in the green shirt?"

"Yeah?" Todd frowned. "You know him?"

"Not at all," Dirk admitted. "But I've got a hunch."

"Okay so we work the case then get pizza. Your pineapple's delayed, that's all." Todd tried to reason with him, but he could tell from Dirk's expression that something else was wrong, something which he wasn't sharing. He took a sip of soda to give Dirk time to talk.

"Todd, I'm sorry, I have to have sex with him."

Todd regretted his sip of soda as it ended up sprayed across half the table.

"What?!" He asked, and Dirk flinched as people nearby turned towards them. Dirk wiped the table with a napkin, looking down, his shoulders drawn up to his ears as though trying to hide. When the normal level of noise resumed he cleared his throat and repeated himself.

"I have to have sex with him."

"Dirk, you...what? You mean you like him?" Todd asked, horrified. He hadn't asked Dirk out yet, was waiting for the right time, but he was sure that Dirk felt the same. This didn't make sense.

"Not particularly?" Dirk shrugged. "But I've got a hunch so I'd..." He moved to stand up.

Todd grabbed his arm, voice little more than a hiss.

"Dirk, are you seriously telling me the universe pimps you out?!"

"I'm not a car, Todd." Dirk frowned, and Todd shook his arm slightly, pulling him back to his seat because he wanted to scream at him. Dirk at least didn't pull away, sitting down and looking at him uncertainly.

"The universe just tells you who to have sex with?"

"Only when it's relevant to a case. And normally it's men, so it could definitely be worse."

"Dirk, the universe is getting you to have sex? Do you understand how crazy that sounds?"

Dirk hesitated.

"Less crazy than most of the bullshit I come out with? I'm sorry, Todd. I don't want to hurt you, but... I don't want to mess this up. It could be important."

"Dirk, do you...do you..." Todd hesitated. "What if he says no? What if he hurts you for asking?" 

"Then that was what the universe planned, Todd. I'm sorry. I should - "

"Dirk?" Todd hadn't let go of Dirk's arm, and cleared his throat slightly. "If you tell me, honestly, that you want to go over and end up sleeping with him, I'll let you go. But you'll... You better call me in the morning. But... if not. If you don't want to, if you wouldn't if the universe didn't make you, you can stay here. We'll find another way." With that Todd released Dirk's sleeve. He took a deep breath, trying to prepare for if Dirk walked away.

Dirk's hand gripped his, and he looked up to see Dirk looking at him curiously.

"No one's ever cared before. And honestly, it's not been...unpleasant. But... I think I'd rather go home with you than him. If that's alright with you."

"That's fine with me," Todd answered. "More than fine. Look. Give me a business card. I can go over, hand it to the guy. If he needs something, he can call."

"What if we've got it wrong somehow?" 

"Then we've got it wrong." Todd said firmly. "I can live with that. We can deal with it. The universe doesn't get to tell you what to do anymore. Not like that."

Dirk nodded, flashing him a brief but brilliant smile and handing over a card. Todd squeezed his hand and stood up. He approached the man in a green shirt and fought down the urge to punch him in the face. He slammed the business card down in front of him and walked away, hearing the guy’s friends asking what his problem was. He reached Dirk and held out his hand.

"He has your card. Come on. Let's go home."

Dirk nodded, smiling slightly.

"Hey, Todd?"

"Yeah?" Todd asked curiously.

"I might still have sex tonight," Dirk told him, then undermined the comment by waggling his eyebrows as he reached for Todd’s hand. Todd snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Pizza first."


	11. Agency Life: Washing Someone - Farah/Tina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4: Agency Life.  
> 11 - Washing Someone (Farah/Tina)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Tina gets hurt. Luckily someone is there to take care of her. Warnings: Mention of sex shaming)

Tina didn't exactly want to head back to the station. Normally, it was her favourite place, what with the endless snacks, the fact it included Hobbs, that Mustard came in because _she gets lonely Tina, please_ and of course, that Farah was currently visiting. Normally she liked work, because even though everyone else knew she was a screw up, Hobbs never made her feel that way.

Only now, she wasn't so sure. She felt like she was a screw up. It was stupid: she had gotten into a fight that was out of her depth, with an argument that it hadn't even been professional to have, and she'd been knocked over. By a farmer unhappy with her reminding him about state laws in regards to fencing of all things. She'd tried to challenge him and he'd just shoved her aside, and now there was mud in her hair.

She knew Farah would say she should have arrested him, but she hadn't felt confident enough to; had known this was the kind of thing that Hobbs normally handled with a conversation. So she had sat there on the ground, cold and muddy, and tried to calm him down.

" _No one cares about this you stupid slut._ " He hissed. 

With that he'd turned and walked away, leaving her there, and she knew she should have gotten to her feet, chased after him, yelled at him, arrested him even. But it had felt like all the air was knocked out of her lungs. She had given up on the case, headed back to the station, and now she was sat in the truck outside, trying to get up the strength to go in.

There was a knock on the roof of the truck and she shrieked, flailing and fumbling for her gun as the door was opened, and Farah took the gun from her hand. She blinked, looking up at Farah.

"H...howdy, partner?"

"’Howdy, partner’?" Farah echoed, an amused smirk on her lips. "You okay out here? We saw you drive up fifteen minutes ago."

"I..." She hesitated, trying to hold back before the explanation burst out from her. "I tried to talk to Mister Bogdan but he got annoyed and knocked me over and he... he called me... he called me a slut - " She knew she was being childish about it, sounding like a small kid, but it hurt, having that line thrown at her again. She'd tried to be a good officer, to be someone the community could be proud of, and she was still seen that way. "And my hair's all muddy and I should have arrested him but Hobbs would have just talked to him and - "

"Hobbs will be having words, and then I will be having words, and then Mister Bogdan will be apologising to you, and then we will talk to them about the fencing," Farah said firmly. "Now, come on, let's see... It's not too bad," she soothed, helping Tina from the truck. 

Tina still felt a little dizzy, trying to keep a grip on Farah's arm and keeping her breathing steady. "You're not angry with me?"

"Not with you. With him," Farah answered firmly, and Tina flashed her a slightly watery smile.

"Thanks..." She paused. "Do you think I'm - "

"I think you're perfect," Farah told her. "Now, you're going to write up what happened, and then we can go back to yours and get you cleaned up, okay?"

Tina nodded, even though she felt she was being ridiculous. She could cope with more than this, most days, but didn't like the assumption that she wasn't cut out for the job. She knew no one believed in her.

Farah pressed a kiss to her cheek and Hobbs greeted her at the door with some cocoa, and she wondered if maybe she'd been wrong. These people believed in her. And Farah was a badass. She told Hobbs and got pulled into a tight hug, and then Hobbs went to deal with Bogdan as Farah ushered her into the passenger seat.

"I'm being stupid."

"You had a shock," Farah said, perfectly calm, as though this whole panic made some kind of sense. She unlocked the door to Tina's place with the spare key Tina had given her and ushered her through to the bedroom, settling her on the edge of the bed as she went to run the bath.

"It's ready," she called and Tina walked in, gasping at how her bathroom looked. There were candles beside a bath full of bubbles, and Farah had taken off her shirt to stop it getting damp. Tina allowed herself a moment of appreciating the other woman's bra before she reached up to undo her own top. 

Farah stepped forwards, pressing a kiss to her cheek as her hands covered Tina’s. A moment later she undid Tina's top, brushing her fingers across the exposed skin.

"So beautiful."

Tina felt herself colour, wanted to protest, but Farah sounded so sure, so genuine, it was almost intoxicating. Farah guided her into the water and she lay back in it, feeling Farah's fingers combing through the strands of hair as Farah murmured soothing words.

Tina's breathing slowed, tension pouring out of her under Farah's skilled fingers. She had never felt like something particularly precious before, but Farah made her feel like something to be treasured. It was wonderful, laying back in that water as gentle hands cleaned away the dirt. Once her hair was shampooed Farah guided her to lie backwards, pouring the water over her and carefully shielding her eyes with a hand.

Only once she was clean did Farah's touch grow a little more flirtatious, fingertips brushing along curves, as Tina gasped and leaned into it.

"I..."

"Let me take care of you?" Farah murmured into Tina's ear and Tina fell back against her with a smile, nodding. She could do that. She wanted to do that. She didn't think she'd ever felt as safe as she did then, with Farah holding her close. She leaned up for a kiss, smiling when it was pressed against her lips, and allowed her eyes to close.


	12. Agency Life: Learning to be loved - Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4: Agency Life.  
> 12 - Learning to be loved (Dirk)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (Every day is better when you aren't alone. Warnings: None)

Dirk had always considered himself _independent_ , at least since leaving behind the prison that he had been held captive in for far too long. There was no one around for him, and he liked that. 

He couldn't help thinking that now, as he lay awake, Mona a soothing weighted blanket above him, Todd's legs tangled with his own, and Farah passed out beside them. The others were all asleep, he supposed - at least, Todd and Farah were asleep, and Mona was as close to sleep as a rather adorably patterned weighted blanket could get.

If Dirk had been alone, the morning would have consisted of waking up - half expecting to hear an alarm - and then going about whatever his latest case consisted of without needing to worry with the frivolities and niceties that became part of life when you lived with people. He would have been able to choose the music that played as he helped himself to leftovers, and would have had nothing and no one to worry about but himself. He could have gone about his day in a relatively relaxed manner, until someone tried to kill him.

When someone tried to kill him, as would inevitably happen, he wouldn't need to worry that much. For his own safety, of course, but the universe had always done a good job of keeping him safe. Not like something precious, to be treasured, but rather as a tool that it had got to the point where disposing of it would be a waste. Dirk was under no illusions that the universe actually liked him. It liked what he could do, same as the Colonel. He was _useful_ and so it would do what it could to keep him alive. 

But being alone would make things a lot simpler than they were here now. Everything would just plod along as he waited for the day where his usefulness for Blackwing outweighed his usefulness to the universe, and he found himself dragged away once more.

Of course, Dirk wasn't alone, and Todd was nuzzling at his shoulder, his arms tightening around his waist. Dirk knew that the alarm - an actual alarm, not his imagination - would soon be beeping until Todd tried to throw it across the room. But for now he was being held, his eyes drifting closed.

On cue, the beeping started, and Todd grabbed the alarm and threw it at the nearest wall. Luckily, it was designed for that, so just beeped louder until Farah picked it up and turned it off. On her feet, she raced through to the bathroom. Mona helpfully became a coffee maker beside the three cups on top of the bedside table, and by the time Farah had emerged from the bathroom there were two cups of coffee and a cup of tea waiting. Dirk patted Mona's shining top, grateful that her helpfulness overruled simple things like science which would argue that a coffee maker couldn't dish out tea. He sipped his tea, tried to poke Todd awake, and went to the bathroom.

Todd was still there when he returned, so he poked him again, picked up Mona (now a tray), and carried her down to the kitchen where she became human-shape and Dirk washed the dishes as Farah made breakfast, and Todd thumped down the stairs a few minutes later, bleary-eyed and half asleep. Dirk smiled to himself at the way Todd's hair was still sticking up in all directions. They ate in relative silence, before heading into the office, where Farah grabbed the radio and tried to set a compromise before he and Todd came to blows.

Then they booted up their computers, and he flicked through newspapers and the internet waiting for a case to jump at him as Farah tackled the millions of tiny tasks that kept their life and office functioning, and Todd tried to play games on his phone without Dirk noticing. He wasn't particularly good at that, because there were reflections on the computer screen behind him, but Dirk let him think that he was being subtle if he wanted to think that. There was no harm done after all. 

They worked on various tasks until midday, and then went out to grab something to eat, or head upstairs where Dirk was actually able to make sandwiches for them. Throughout the day there was a steady undercurrent of teasing and laughter and friendship, which made Dirk's heart sing. He would never have imagined that anything could have felt this good, this happy. 

He already knew that by the evening they'd all tumble into bed again, Mona close at hand, and he couldn't think of anything better in the world. He opened his mouth, planning to say it, but Farah was fiddling with her pens and Todd was gazing blankly at a computer screen. He closed his mouth again, smiling as a mouse with a bright blue tail climbed onto his desk. He held out his hand, and let her climb up him. Her tiny nose brushed against his chin, and Todd went to make coffee for him and Farah, and tea for Dirk.


	13. Physical Pain: Broken Glass - Todd and Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5 - Physical Pain  
> 13 - Broken Glass (Todd and Dirk)  
> 14 - Flogging (Amanda and Martin, Ken and Priest)  
> 15 - Boiling Water (Mona)
> 
> Day 5: Physical Pain  
> 13 - Broken Glass (Todd and Dirk)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Todd doesn't notice he's hurt when Dirk needs him. Warnings: Injury, blood)

One of the first things Todd had realised about Dirk was that he was extremely good at getting himself into trouble that he had absolutely no method or capacity to get himself out of. The death maze had proven that, but it had just been the first example of many. The universe appeared to assume it could just put him wherever would be helpful, but seemed to forget about an exit route.

Todd had to fish Dirk out of holes, streams, ponds, and quarries, at a rate far above what could be considered normal. Dirk seemed to fall into, through or down something at least once a week. They had been banned from Hawkins, Indiana after the incident where Dirk had managed to casually slip through into a parallel world (or rather dimension, Dirk was picky about things like that).

Not all of Todd's rescues were quite as dramatic as that one, and hadn’t involved quite such ridiculous fireproof suits. But that had at least been for a case. Dirk had no such excuse for his current predicament and Todd was almost tempted to leave him there.

Dirk had woken up in the morning at a ridiculously early hour (which Todd knew was normal); had gone and made some tea (also normal); and then somehow managed to knock almost every glass that they had onto the floor (less normal, but given that it was Dirk not a total surprise). He now stood bare-footed in the middle of the glass, holding a cup of tea like a shield and looking at Todd with wide eyes.

"Help?" Dirk asked and Todd snorted, shaking his head and grabbing his shoes before he grabbed Dirk, giving him a piggyback to safety. They were halfway back to his room when Dirk cleared his throat, jumping free of him. Todd turned to see Dirk looking a little concerned.

"Todd?"

"Yes?"

"You trod in some glass," he pointed, and Todd saw a small trail of blood across the floor leading up to him. He rolled his eyes, huffed, and kicked off his thin soled shoe, removing the sliver that had cut into him. It was only small, but now he was no longer worrying about carrying Dirk he could feel the sharp pain of it. He hissed slightly, removing his sock to poke at the cut. Dirk kissed his cheek, and Todd pretended not to smile because it didn't fit his attempts to be tough. 

"I'll get the first aid kit."

***

Todd chewed on the end of a pen in boredom. Dirk was busy explaining the fact that the cat had been used by a local smuggling gang to transport diamonds when a brick hurtled through the window.

Dirk yelped in shock, and Todd moved to try and protect him, pulling him closer and down against the chair they were in. A second brick sent a sharp pain racing up his arm, and he could hear Farah shooting, but his heart was racing and he couldn't really understand what was going on. He just tried to keep Dirk down away from flying shards of glass and bullets.

"You're okay," he muttered to Dirk, half to reassure himself. He wasn't sure it was working, but he kept repeating it until Farah pulled him away.

"Todd, your lips are blue, you should probably go to the hospital."

"It's not that much," he murmured, but his words sounded slurred even to him. Farah was already dialling an ambulance as Dirk patted his head and shoulders in an attempt to soothe them both.

***

In Todd’s nightmares, the monster that had scared Dirk was laughing, pulling Dirk away and flinging him aside. He could hear Dirk's whimpers of terror, and tried to reach him, but he couldn't. He was trapped, and suddenly sharp pain pierced his body. Looking down he saw shards of glass sticking through him. Blood oozed out from every wound.

He started to scream as one tried to make its way into his mouth.

"Todd!" Dirk was screaming for him and he couldn't help, couldn't reach him. He tried to thrash, even when that made the cuts worse, even as blood poured from him onto the carpet and his jaw was forced open.

He spluttered a little, until he heard Dirk telling him to relax, to swallow the medicine, Dirk's hands were brushing his arms, running across the glass without noticing, and that started to bring him back to normality. 

"None of it's real," he mumbled, and Dirk looked down at him and nodded.

"Just an attack," Dirk agreed. "Want a glass of water?"

"A mug sounds better."


	14. Physical Pain: Flogging - Amanda/Martin, Ken/Priest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5: Physical Pain  
> 14 - Flogging (Amanda and Martin, Ken and Priest)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Ken and Amanda see their partners' scars. Warnings: discussion of past child abuse and medical experimentation)

Amanda lay awake, listening to the sound of the other Rowdies breathing around her. They had all fallen asleep and she was tucked up beside Martin, a blanket over her hips. She was pretty sure her shirt had ended up as Vogel's pillow. The youngest Rowdy had a real skill for stealing her clothing whenever it was not being worn. She sighed, cuddling up closer to Martin and trying to tug the shirt that he was lying on out from under him. He moved slightly, and she grabbed the fabric, pulling it over herself to keep warm. She stroked her fingers gently over Martin's skin, not trying to wake him, just enjoying tracing patterns there. 

He shifted a little in his sleep, and exposed pale scars. She traced her fingers across those lines, seeing where the bastard scientists had sliced him open - scars she could see echoed on the others, if she looked hard enough. She didn't think about it too much - she couldn't, because thinking about it made her angry and that made an attack likely. Her boys used that anger to fight unkindness and cruelty wherever they found it, and she was proud of them for that. She brushed a fingertip across a long scar, which had split Martin from throat to navel, trying not to imagine the knife that had traced that path.

His eyes flickered open, and he smirked a little.

"Mornin'" he greeted her, his accent strongest as he woke up.

"Morning." 

He held up his arm and she shuffled into the gap provided, using his body heat to keep her warm. He kissed her softly and she closed her eyes for a moment, before pulling away to look at him curiously. 

"Can I..." She traced one of the vivisection scars. "You've all got these, even Vogel."

Martin growled, the noise low in his chest, and she could feel it shaking through her like a purr. "They cut us up, even the kid."

"They don't have these - " She traced out a different scar.

"Those... Some from Blackwing. Some after." He shrugged. "You know me, Drummer. I get into fights; always have done. Never liked seeing someone get hurt by a bully."

Amanda nodded, understanding. Martin always went straight in to defend those who needed him. He cleared his throat, pulling her closer.

"You know, Drummer... My Pa was a bully. I think, sometimes, it was his fault Oz... Oz was never right, but maybe if he'd been treated better, not been hurt, he mighta stood a chance. As it was...he was doomed. That fucker ruined him. Got him outta there soon as I could, but it was too late."

Amanda nodded. She had nothing to say to that, no help she could offer. The thought of anyone hurting her lovers hurt her. But Martin had suffered from someone he should have been able to trust, and that made her blood boil. Her hands clenched tightly into fists and Martin nuzzled at her.

"No need for anger, Drummer. Pa can't lay a hand on me - on either of us - not anymore."

"Means I don't get to tell him what an ass he is."

"Next time we're near his grave you can yell with me," Martin offered, and something about that offer thrilled her. It made her feel trusted. That she was part of this. That she was a part of Martin's life - of all their lives. And no one was ever going to take that away from her.

Martin sat up a little and frowned. "You steal my shirt?"  
"Vogel stole mine. It's only fair," Amanda argued, then yelped as Martin pressed a cold hand against her side.

***

Ken stared at the man who was handcuffed beneath him, rocking against him slightly, curious fingers probing at scars which criss-crossed his back.

"What caused these?"

"Pa was a bastard. Marty used to try and take all of it, thought he had to prove he was tough, that he was stronger than me. But he fucked that up."

Ken nodded, leaning to kiss at one scar which licked around his side to his chest.

"Where is he?"

"Killed him."

"Good." Ken nodded. "Resources are stretched already, don't want to have to spend time sending troops to hunt down people who've hurt what's mine."

Priest chuckled slightly against the pillow, his shoulders shaking, and as Ken's touches dipped lower the laughter turned to moans.


	15. Physical Pain: Boiling Water - Mona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5: Physical Pain  
> 15 - Boiling Water (Mona)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Mona wants to protect her friends, even if it means she gets hurt. Warnings: mild physical injury)

Mona liked spending time in the office, with all of her friends, and she loved her friends very much. They were sometimes silly, but they were always nice. Todd could be shouty, but he'd always let her climb on him for cuddles if she needed to, and she made sure she took full advantage of his generosity. Farah was unendingly gentle, and always very appreciative of when Mona was being a weapon, and Dirk... Dirk was just Dirk. He was her best friend, and let her be his little sister.

She had been spending some time as a kitten to play with Jaws and had decided that certain happy squeaks humans made were the human equivalent of purring. It seemed sad to her that humans couldn't make the nice rumbly sound that cats could make, but it was good that they tried. She was proud of her humans for finding a noise that meant the same as a purr, just in a different language. Whenever they made soft noises at her, she purred back her agreement, encouraging them.

Today she had chosen to be a particularly fluffy black kitten, wearing little socks of white at the bottom of her leg. She was very small, her tail sticking straight up in the air, and she was quite curly. Her morning had been spent in the pursuit of a sunbeam, and now she was working out whether or not she could knock some paperwork from a desk so that she could bat it. It looked very tempting, but it was quite high up, and she was struggling to persuade it to fall. She took another swipe at the table leg.

If she wanted to, she could turn into a snake and climb up the table and get the paper. Or be a ladder, or a weight, or a grabber machine, or a chameleon with a long sticky tongue, but that wasn’t the game she was currently playing. Now that she knew she could be whatever form she wanted and no one would be angry, she wanted to spend some time just trying on different forms. Kitten was definitely a more fun form than a lot of them.

She mewled as she heard a door open, tilting her head and then racing off towards it. She found that Farah was in the kitchen, unpacking as the kettle made bubbling noises behind her. 

Mona had been doing well at hunting a sunbeam, sneaking up on it, but there was a big difference between a sunbeam and Farah. Farah was her newest challenge. She lowered her head and wiggled her tail in concentration, as Farah hummed along to the radio and picked up the kettle.

She bounded forwards, and, as she did so Farah turned, her grip on the kettle slipping slightly. Mona could already see what would happen: it would spill all down Farah and hurt her a lot. Mona couldn't let that happen.

She turned human, jumping between Farah and the falling kettle, then yelped as the scalding metal hit her, the water pouring out. She panted in pain, curled up against Farah's feet in her favourite nightdress. Her back was red, and she whimpered when Farah tugged on her sleeve.

"Mona, you need to take that off, it's wet."

Mona changed her dress into a blue one, now dry but not combating the burns. Her skin was already red and she was gasping for air to prevent changing shape.

"I'm sorry you startled me," Farah was murmuring, but everything hurt. Her back felt like it was on fire and she didn't have a word to explain what the problem was. 

Mona was helped over to a couch and guided to lie on her front as Farah handed her cold compresses, laying them against her skin. She shivered a little, but Farah stroked her hair and she felt some of the tension escaping her.

"Do we need to tell Dirk?" she asked. "I don't want to be in trouble." 

"You're not in trouble, you were just playing." Farah promised, and Mona nodded, lying there and taking deep breaths, wondering if she should just shift to not having the injuries, but knowing from past experience that if she was hurt when she shifted it causes problems for a few days. It was easier to recover like this. 

She doesn't want to be stuck in human form, but Farah is uninjured, and she knows her friends would never make her stay forever. She rests her head on the cushion and allows herself to nap, Farah's touches to her hair feel nice.


	16. Supernatural: Transformation - Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 6: Supernatural  
> 16 - Transformation (Todd)  
> 17 - Haunted (Mona)  
> 18 - Cursed (Amanda and Todd)
> 
> Day 6: Supernatural.  
> 16 - Transformation (Todd)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Todd becomes a werewolf. The team deal with it. Warnings: Mild body horror)

Dirk had been right, Todd thought miserably as he lay on the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest. Being an asshole was nothing like being a werewolf. You could stop being an asshole. It wasn't easy, not when you'd got into the wrong patterns, when every one of your defence mechanisms hurt those around you. But you could do it. It was a tough choice, but it was a choice you could make.

Being a werewolf had nothing to do with choice at all. It was just about need, and hunger, and fear. It was about pain, and confusion, and dreading every time the sun set because even if today wasn't the full moon, it was bringing you closer heartbeat by heartbeat.

He curled up smaller, his limbs still aching from contorting into unnatural shapes as he transformed. His spine clicked as he moved, and he realised he was shivering, the fur that had sheltered him from the cold of the floor gone now. 

He couldn't bring himself to sit up. He didn't want to see the mess he'd made of the room. Farah had been using the basement of the building as a gym, until he had gone and ruined it the first time he had changed. Then they'd had to make a few modifications. Bars on the window. A heavy door, he couldn't open from the inside.

He whined, and a pawprint covered blanket settled over him, draping over him gently and seeming to embrace him. He clung to Mona with both hands, because he needed to hold onto someone, and Mona was the only one who could stay with him when it happened, able to transform out of danger.

He sobbed and the blanket turned into a young woman, whose dress was patterned with pawprints. From anyone else, he would have felt insulted. He was pretty sure Mona just wanted to ensure she wasn't missing out.

"Don't be sad, Todd. You didn't hurt anyone!"

Todd made himself sit up, looking at the smashed furniture, the dents and claw marks in the wall, the plastic water bottle that had been ripped to shreds.

"I broke...well, everything."

"That's alright," Mona said firmly. "Things can be fixed, and you're not broken. You were just scared."

Todd wondered how Mona could think that when he'd managed to tear chunks out of a concrete wall, but she just smiled at him, utterly certain.

It was then he realised he was naked and he moved to cover himself. She giggled slightly.

A moment later, the blanket was back, and he wrapped her around him gratefully. He walked over to the clothes he had put carefully in a now shattered box, glad that they hadn't been destroyed. He dressed, and was relieved to place a watch on. It made him feel a little more human. The alarm told him it was 6AM. He settled with his back against the wall, and waited.

It wasn't long before he heard noises outside. He sat up a little smarter, wondering if this was real, wondering what would come next. He'd understand if they rejected him now. It had been one thing to know what would happen to him in theory, but knowing he could potentially become a werewolf and him turning into one were two very different scenarios.

Then the door opened. Farah had her gun raised, but she lowered it the moment she saw him, racing forwards, and then her arms were around him, and he could hear her heart racing as she held him close. Dirk stepped forwards and followed her, and he was carrying a plate full of pancakes. He crouched before Todd, handing the food over, and Todd fell on it hungrily. He knew he had eaten the previous night, but he still needed more. Farah murmured to him, and Dirk was stroking his hair as he ate.

Only once he had licked the plate clean did Farah speak to him, a frown on her face as she chose her words with care.

"You... I hope you enjoyed... Well, I hope breakfast was good, and ... and what can we do better, next time?"

"You did good," Todd promised, and then Dirk was cuddling up next to him.

"Bed was cold without you."

"Dirk, I was literally a wolf. I wasn't going to be able to share."

"I guess not." He sighed and hugged him tighter. "But I want you there tonight."

Todd nodded, and the two of them were smiling, and he felt himself smile back. His body still ached from the transformation, but he'd survived this time at least.


	17. Supernatural: Haunted - Mona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 6: Supernatural  
> 17 - Haunted (Mona)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Mona died in Blackwing. It doesn't bother her. Warnings: Mentions of child abuse and death)

Mona liked being optimistic. There was a lot of sadness in the world, a lot of bad people, and a lot of hurt. She could be positive, be optimistic, and it helped people. She had been an optimistic table, an optimistic teddy bear, an optimistic chair, and now she was an optimistic ghost.

The first thing she'd noticed about being a ghost was that things didn't hurt. There was no more pain, no more experiments, no more being cut open. Blackwing had always hurt. But it was different now. Now she didn't need to be scared anymore.

The first day, when she had realised she was a ghost, and seen the broken body that she had been in before, she'd been frightened. Her pulse had raced, even though it was no longer needed, and she had howled in fear and pain and helplessness. She had curled up in the corner of the cell, and watched as chaos broke out, doctors and guards running in and out and then taking away what had been her. None of them had noticed her there. She had been scared. 

But there was nothing to be scared of now.

She had eventually stood up, and looked at the door. She had walked towards the door then reached out, unsure what would happen next. After a moment, the door had seemed to fade, her hand passing through it. She could walk through it. She had taken a couple of deep breaths, steeling herself to be brave, and then took those steps, going beyond her cell. She had braced herself for the alarms to sound, to be in trouble, but no one yelled. No one had seen her. She had begun to wander down the echoing hallways, but her own footsteps didn't make a sound.

She had paused by the room she knew was Svlad's. She was scared that she might step inside and find Svlad couldn't see her. That would be terrible. But she could hear that he was crying. She couldn't let him cry, not when she could go and help him.

She had stepped inside, and seen how he was curled up in bed, a blanket around him. He was sobbing desperately, his shoulders shaking.

"Svlad?" she had asked softly. He had frozen, his body stiffening, and then he looked up at her.

"Mona?" He had wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands. "I... He said you were... They showed me your body..."

"I'm... I saw it,” she agreed, sitting down beside him and patting his hair. It didn't work as well as it had done before, but it still seemed to soothe him. "I think I'm dead."

"Oh," Dirk had paused, looking at her carefully. "You... You're - "  
"It means I can be with you all of the time," she had told him. "I can still..." She flickered slightly, and then a small kitten took her place. A moment later, she returned to human shape. "I can still be me. But...the guards can't see me." 

He had looked at her uncertainly and she had smiled at him, wrapping her arms around him.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I couldn't look after you..."

"They can't hurt me now," she had told him softly, nuzzling him and trying to pat his back as he had continued to sniffle. "It's okay, Svlad. I'm here."

"You... You can really stay with me?" 

She had nodded, and then patted his hand again.

"I can stay. Forever, just like I promised."

He nodded, swallowing back tears.

"You can explore around here? We can find a way out of here."

She had nodded and went to see what she could find.

***

It took time to get used to this new form. Changing was as easy as it ever had been, but learning to move things took time. Learning to rest, to curl up in a squeaky toy that Svlad had been given, took longer. But she was determined.

She saw other ghosts. Members of staff that had tried to leave without permission; projects who died like she did. They all left, to go to their homes, or go elsewhere, but she didn't need to go. Svlad was here and she wasn't going to leave him.

Svlad was lying in bed when she sneaked in through the wall. Marzanna, who was very nice and not so scary anymore, had been opening doors and had told Mona to go back to Svlad and rest, so she did that. She saw he had left her little squeaking toy beside his pillow and she curled up inside of it, feeling her form fit it, using it as an anchor. She squeaked it slightly, making it squash down and then bounce back up. Svlad smiled, reaching for her. She squeaked again in approval, and then fell silent as alarms started to blare.


	18. Supernatural: Cursed - Amanda and Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 6: Supernatural  
> 18 - Cursed (Amanda and Todd)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Before they could even say the word, they knew they were tainted. Warnings; ableism, body horror, canon typical violence)

Todd wasn't sure when he learned that there was something wrong with him and the rest of his family. The curse which was written in their very blood; which left elderly aunts screaming in pain or calling out helplessly; which led to their uncle sobbing into his thanksgiving dinner because his skin was peeling away or blistering with heat.

Before he could even say the word ‘pararibulitis’, he knew that he was tainted by it. That just like the previous four generations of his family, he might develop the illness that changed things. He knew that if it came for him, he'd find himself trapped. He was scared, when his parents brought his sister home from the hospital. She was tiny, wrapped in a fluffy blanket decorated with little bunnies, and he had looked up at them and asked one simple question.

"Is she going to get sick?"

His parents hadn't answered that, and the worry kept him awake at nights. Time passed and neither of them showed any sign of developing it. He put thoughts of fear behind him and tried to make something positive of the infamous family curse.

Using it as an excuse to get the money he needed for the band had seemed like a good start, his parents owing him for all the sleepless nights he'd had as a child, all the times he'd lain awake, worrying about what would happen, when his body would begin to betray him.

Sometimes he'd dream he had the illness, and when he woke up there was no reason for any of the lingering pain he felt. After that it was always hard to go to sleep again, taking days if not weeks for things to start to fall back into place; to be certain that what he had imagined had just been a dream and not an attack.. With all the pain and terror he had been put through, it seemed quite clear that his parents owed him the money he was taking.

Then Amanda had called, and he'd been lying about his plans. He'd hung up so that he didn't give himself away, going back to where his friends were drinking, and forgot about Amanda. He blocked her from his thoughts until the next day, when his mobile was full of messages, and he raced to hospital.

Even as he raced along the roads, he knew what had happened, even if his parents weren't willing to say it over the phone. The curse that had haunted his family for generations had taken another victim.

It wasn't long before it claimed him too. As roads stretched out before him and Farah hurried him along, he found out what the illness could do, the horrors it could conjure. He was burned and frozen and cut, his skin eaten by insects, his blood drained. 

When he found himself in Bergsberg without his tablets, he had thought that the universe was just showing him how much it hated him.

But then Dirk had come back. Things weren't perfect. He was ill. But he had Dirk, and that was good. He had tablets, and friends. 

He was resting against Dirk, letting Dirk play with his hair, his eyes drifting closed. He'd had a small attack earlier in the day and he was still feeling tired from it. He looked up.

"You know, finding you... It makes up for being cursed in a way."

"You're not cursed," Dirk said softly. "It's not..." He shrugged a little, and nudged Todd's shoulder with his elbow. "It doesn't work like that." Todd managed a laugh.

He'd lived in fear of the illness that he now had, that he'd lied about, and though there was a kind of irony there he couldn't help noticing, it wasn't as bad as he'd thought it would be. Amanda had her friends, a freedom she would have never gained if things had continued as they were. And he had Dirk, and Farah, and the agency, and a sister-in-law that kept trying to be office furniture. 

When he had attacks, he'd scream and curse and hate the universe for what it had done to him. But when it was over, and he was being held by the people he cared about, he realised it was just that the universe could be shit at times. It wasn't a curse, and it certainly wasn't a blessing. It just was.


	19. Mental Pain: Abandonment Issues - Todd/Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7: Mental Pain  
> 19 - Abandonment Issues (Todd/Dirk)  
> 20 - Forced to Hurt Someone (Martin)  
> 21 - Substance Addiction (Todd/Dirk)
> 
> Day 7: Mental Pain.  
> 19 - Abandonment Issues (Todd/Dirk)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (No one likes waking up alone but in time Todd realises that Dirk will return. Warnings: None)

Todd realised something was wrong when he woke up to find he was wrapped in his favourite blanket. That in itself was enough to cause concern, because it shouldn't have happened. The previous night, he had fallen asleep with his head on Dirk's chest, feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath. That was his favourite place to sleep, knowing that Dirk was there with him, his arms holding him close. Of course, it came at a cost -- and that cost was that by the morning, Dirk would have stolen his blankets.

It had become an everyday occurrence. He would fall asleep with Dirk in his bed, because that was where they always seemed to end up, as Dirk disliked the nightmares that plagued him if left alone. And by the morning, any blankets he had managed to wrestle from Dirk to sleep would have been absorbed into Dirk's blanket pile. He got used to being cold, even putting on boxers to sleep so that he didn't freeze anything vital.

But today the blankets were still in place.

Todd felt a chill run down his spine, far colder than the simple lack of blankets could ever be. He had done more than his fair share of running out after sex - sneaking out of the door while someone was in the bathroom, getting up early or on one memorable occasion jumping out of the window because he couldn't stand any more of the drama he kept telling her about. 

Dirk had never run off. Dirk just wasn't the kind of person who would do that. Todd was; Todd was a jerk and proud of it, but Dirk was caring, and supportive. Dirk was the kind of person who would leave a note and flowers if he was suddenly called away.

Lifting his head was a challenge, because Todd was too afraid of what he would see next. He wondered if there would be a note from Dirk explaining he was leaving, or if there would be some sign that Blackwing had broken in during his sleep, and kidnapped Dirk. That thought had him sitting up, his heart racing.

There was no broken glass on the floor or flowers on the table. Mona was gone, but he couldn't be sure she had even been there the night before. Everything else was still in its place; his room looked just like it did every other morning, with the only difference being that there was no Dirk in it.

He grabbed a shirt from the floor, pulled it on, and took deep gulps of air, making himself focus on where he was. Five things he could see (and that was hard, when all he could see was the absence of Dirk). Window. Bed. Shirts. Lamp. Medicine. He stared over at the packet of pills on his bedside cabinet, reminding himself they were there if he needed them. He took a couple more deep breaths before moving on to the next step.

Four things he could hear. His own breathing. Traffic outside. A radio playing downstairs. A cat yowling out in the yard. He frowned slightly, there was a radio playing downstairs. He raced from the room.

He hurtled down the stairs, jumping the last two, and skidded to a halt in the kitchen, where Dirk stood frowning at a cabinet. He turned around to look at Todd, blinking slowly, and Todd was struck by the amount of flour that appeared to have settled in his hair.  
"Todd?"  
"Dirk!" He called out, rushing over to embrace him. "I was worried."  
"I'm... sorry?" Dirk tried, with a frown. "I didn't ..."  
"What are you doing?"  
"Birthday pancakes."

"Dirk, it's not my -- oh shit, is it your--"  
"No!" Dirk looked down, poking at the mixture. "You just always say that...well, we all know I'm not very good at cooking, and your birthday is next month, so I thought maybe if I got some practice in now, we would be okay on the day."

"I thought you'd left." Todd admitted, his voice shaking a little. "I thought you'd..."  
"That I would what? Todd? That I would leave?” Dirk’s eyes widened. “I wouldn't leave." He said firmly. "Not like that." He walked over, enfolding Todd into an hug. Dirk was coated in flour, and Todd was sure it was getting all over his face and body, but he didn't care. Not when Dirk was there, holding him close.

Dirk grinned cheekily, slapping a hand down on Todd’s ass and leaving a floury handprint there.  
"Go back to bed, I'll clean up and join you."  
Todd rolled his eyes but headed back up, taking the stairs more carefully this time. Dirk had not gone anywhere. 

He just hoped the eventual birthday pancakes would be edible.


	20. Mental Pain: Forced to Hurt Someone - Martin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7: Mental Pain.  
> 20 - Forced to Hurt Someone (Martin)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Oz says Martin is an animal. Maybe he's right. Warnings: Mentions of abuse and child abuse, dehumanisation)

Oz said he was an animal.

Martin had never been the smart brother; had never been able to live up to what Oz could do. Oz was the one who had kept them alive, who knew how to pick fights they could win, and when the best thing that they could do was keep their head down and hope it was over soon. Martin had just been the muscle; a constant support to his brother when they were young, but never viewed as equal.

Then Blackwing had come, and with it had come pain the likes of which he never would have been able to imagine before. 

Oz laughs when he explains that he's been put in charge of Martin's particular type of freak. _Incubus_.

There are others like him, and some part of him he never realised was there screams for its companions. He lies awake at night, knowing that something is missing; that it's near but being kept out of his reach. Sleeplessness doesn't bring it any closer. It's a physical ache in his bones, as though he were being pressed down or else torn to pieces - a constant need with no answer, no solution.

He's sure that if it continues for long enough, he'll lose his sanity. He can already see shadows forming shapes, swirling around the walls; hear voices in his head at times that sound like they might be the others, but might just be his mind desperately clinging to any contact it can get.

He's moved rooms again. Each time the room becomes less like he remembers from before. Less human. It had been a cell. Now it feels like a cage, the bars pressing in on all sides, and he wants to snarl, wants to howl and scream until he can be with the others. Sometimes when he tries to breathe, he can taste their fear on the air, and his mouth goes dry in terror. They need him as much as he needs them, and Oz delights in taking that away.

With the change in rooms comes a lack of meals. Before, Oz was bringing people past every day or two, allowing him to snatch bites. It had never been enough to stop the hunger entirely, but it had allowed him brief breaks - meant his hunger hadn't taken him over. Now, his hunger is the only thing driving him. He can't remember what it is to not need food, to not be willing to rip apart whatever you get. But his only guest is Oz and Oz doesn't work like that. Oz can no more give him food then he can feed Oz, because whatever they are, whatever is wrong with them, it cancels out around each other.

The days stretch on. He can feel the others but not speak to them, not see them. They're part of him but they are out of his reach, and it hurts more than he could ever begin to express.

Oz is laughing when he walks in. It's never a good sign when Oz is laughing: it means danger. Some animals turn red or hiss poison. Oz laughs.

He walks up to him, crouching down, and Martin tries to swipe out at him. It's only then, as he tries to move, that he discovers how far his strength has deserted him.

"You look like shit Marty," Oz tells him. "You know, I got a little treat for you."

Martin tries not to react, but he can't help being hungry. Now Oz has said it, he can sense the other person, left outside the room. There's food there and his brother is stopping him from reaching it. He whimpers.

Oz walks out and for a terrible moment Martin thinks he won't come back. But then he returns, and this time he isn't alone.

The boy he has brought back is young, auburn hair cropped close to his head, his arms around himself. He backs away slightly when he sees Martin, his fear spiking, and Martin could have howled at good the boy's terror felt.

Oz pushes the kid forwards.

Martin has an awareness that he shouldn't give in, that he should fight, not give the monster his brother is what it wanted. But Martin is an animal too, and there is food. He falls upon it, taking the boy's terror and ending his hunger.

When it is finished, the boy is unconscious but still alive, his chest rising and falling. Oz laughs as he picked up the child, slinging him over a shoulder. "You're lucky you got a freak today. Next time I might not be so generous."


	21. Mental Pain: Substance Addiction - Todd/Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7: Mental Pain.  
> 21 - Substance Addiction (Todd/Dirk)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (Dirk wants some quiet from the universe. Todd wants to escape his guilt. Warnings: Substance addiction, recreational drug use, mental illness, some honestly terrible coping mechanisms, mention of being sick.)

Todd had been in a band -- and quite a successful one... before he had managed to screw up his entire life. He might have left behind a lot of what he had gained during that time, but some things stayed with him. Key among those was a love of alcohol, and the knowledge of who to call when he was in the mood for something stronger. 

He knew that really he should have moved on from that, that he should have put that part of his life behind him the same of the rest of his habits from the band. It was just that sometimes life got too much, weed was medicinal anyway, and his landlord was a drug dealer. He could handle the odd bit of coke, or pills at parties, and he used poppers in the bedroom. Those were all manageable, and he might wake up the next day with a headache, but he could handle it. His real problem, stupid though it seemed to him, was alcohol.

With the Mexican Funeral there had been days when he had faked an attack because he was too drunk to hold his guitar. He had always admired those rockstars that could play successfully while they were intoxicated, who could drink heavily and then perform for hours. It never worked like that for him.

He learned, after a few too many mornings waking up with strangers or in alleyways or with a pounding headache, that he didn't mix well with alcohol. So he put it aside, and focused on using weed when he needed to relax. It meant he had it on hand when he visited Amanda, who actually did need it for medicinal reasons. He had a few bottles of vodka by the sink, some whisky in a cupboard, and a bottle of exotic rum on top of the fridge, but he tried hard to stick to the weaker beers.

He found it was why it was a surprise on the day he was woken by a blanket throwing herself on him very enthusiastically, and then turning into a kitten, sharp claws piercing his face slightly. He blinked awake, looking up at her in confusion. She promptly turned into her human form.  
"Mona?" He asked, trying to work out what was going on and why she was angry. "Are you alright?"  
"Dirk's sick!" She told him, before grabbing his hand and pulling him from the room. Her enthusiasm almost tripped him up, as he tried not to fall over, but she pulled him along to where Dirk was slumped against the wall, the bottle of whisky in his hand. A glimpse revealed that the bottle was already half drunk, and Dirk had his eyes closed.

Mona instantly became a tiny puppy, approaching and licking Dirk's face, and he swatted her away. She whined slightly, and tried again, her tail wagging hopefully.  
"Gway Mo." Dirk slurred, and Todd crouched down, having turned on the nearest lamp so that he could see what had happened more clearly. Dirk did not look any better under brighter lights, whining and clutching the bottle against his chest.  
"Give me that, Dirk."  
"'smine." Dirk said stubbornly, trying to move it out of Todd’s grasp. "Ge'yer own."

Todd frowned, trying to snatch it, but Dirk drunkenly jolted it away, only to lose his grip. It fell onto the floor and rolled away, only for Todd to grab it, quickly placing it on a shelf Dirk had no ability to reach it at the moment.  
"Bastard." Dirk muttered, but there was no real anger there, just drunken confusion, and he held his hand out to Mona. She turned into a teddy bear which he gripped against his chest.

"Dirk, you're drunk."  
"'s point." Dirk told him. "'m tryin'be."   
"Oh?" Todd couldn't help the slight smile on his face at the way Dirk's face screwed up a little against the light, trying to move away from it. "You want to be drunk?"  
"Makes stuff shullup." Dirk answered firmly. "Universe, an' Blackwing, an' all that stuff. No telling whatta do. Just... Just alcohol." He hiccuped slightly, trying to grasp for the bottle. He missed, and the effort of moving made him fall over sideways. He whined a little to himself.

"You... you do this a lot?" Todd asked, crouching down. Todd was aware he really wanted a drink, and that the bottle he needed was just out of reach. But Dirk needed him more than Todd needed alcohol.  
"Only...need quiet. Just... just a little bit." Dirk sounded a little broken as he said that. "'s quiet."  
"You ... you don't need to do that any more." Todd told him. He wanted a drink. He wouldn't have one, not if Dirk needed him not to. Dirk snorted at him.  
"'s lots. Universe, an' Blackwing, an' you."  
"What about me?"  
"You're... 'f I'm drunk, maybe I'll forget wanna kiss you."  
"It doesn't work like that." Todd said. "Come on. Let's get you to bed, and then... tomorrow you'll feel pretty shit. But later, we can talk to some of Amanda's old friends. I'm pretty sure at least some of them have an idea of how to deal with this stress, without this-" He tried to help Dirk to his feet, and only practice with Amanda enabled him to dodge as Dirk was sick, before starting to sob. Todd wrapped his arms around him, and guided him towards the bedroom. Dirk whined, and Todd braced himself. Tonight was going to be a long night, but Dirk needed this, and what Dirk needed, Todd would find a way to provide.

He lay Dirk down on the bed and tried not to think too hard about what had been said. If Dirk had something to tell him, he would rather he was told honestly at a time when Dirk knew what he was saying. Todd still hoped maybe that would happen. For now though, he would have to stroke Dirk's hair, and try and work out how to approach the idea of finding other ways to make the universe quiet.


	22. Extra Terrestrial: Mind Control - Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 8: Extra Terrestrial  
> 22 - Mind Control (Dirk)  
> 23 - Alien Abduction (Todd and Dirk)  
> 24 - Tentacles (Dirk)
> 
> Day 8: Extra Terrestrial  
> 22 - Mind Control (Dirk)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Dirk has nightmares about how Blackwing used him. Warnings: Abuse and manipulation)

"Svlad?" The Colonel's voice was gentle. It always is gentle, and kind as well. Dirk could remember a time he had trusted that kindness, but it was a time long since past. He couldn't trust that any more. 

He coughed slightly, knowing that arguing would get him in trouble. He was lying in bed and he hadn't heard the Colonel come in. That was strange; normally the Colonel would knock.

"That's...That isn't my name."

"Dirk, then," the Colonel conceded, and Dirk couldn't help the flood of gratitude that swept through him at that. He swallowed a little before he answered, his head aching a little.

"Yes, sir?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Good, thank you sir." Dirk's voice was trembling a little. He hated that - he didn't want to show any weakness. He was confused, but he couldn't say that. He was only to say he wasn't well if he needed to take time off from tests, and that would only be permitted only the most extreme circumstances. He didn't want to disappoint the Colonel.

"We're going to be doing some more tests today," the Colonel explained, and Dirk nodded. He didn't argue with things like that. His heart raced, but he got to his feet, following the Colonel along the corridor and listening to what he was told. The latest tests would involve monitoring his brain activity to see if they could detect when he would be most successful in using his abilities. He hoped it would help. He was having no luck in controlling what he could do, and he knew he was a disappointment. He didn't want to be a disappointment to Blackwing and to the Colonel. He was a failure so often. 

He was shown into a new room and he sat down in the chair, not needing to be restrained. He saw the wires that went from the chair to the machinery the Colonel would be sitting at. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Is this going to hurt, sir?"

"Not much, Svlad," the Colonel told him, and then sudden pain pierced through his head. He started to scream.

He made himself stay where he was. His voice was echoing around and he couldn't move away, couldn't make it stop. He sobbed, yelling as the Colonel grabbed him, shaking him.

"Dirk!" the Colonel called, and he was relieved to hear his name, even though the pain which him made him sob.

"Dirk!" The Colonel's voice sounded strange now as he shook him hard. It was confusing; the Colonel was still at the machine, but he was shaking him, and it didn't make sense. He screwed his eyes up tighter, because it hurt so much.

"Dirk, open your eyes,” a voice told him, and he was sure now that it wasn't the Colonel. He was afraid. His heart was racing in his chest, but he knew he couldn't disobey, couldn't be bad. 

Cautiously, he opened his eyes, prepared to screw them closed in a second if he had to - if he saw something he didn't want to. 

Todd was staring down at him and, as Dirk looked up at him, he reached out and embraced him. 

Todd's hands were stroking down his back, and he started to sob.  
"Todd?" he asked, not sure if this was real or if he was just dreaming it. "Todd? Are you...Is this really you?"

"It's me,” Todd promised, holding Dirk close. He gently rocked Dirk against him. "I'm here, you're safe."

"You..." Dirk looked up at him. "I'm not... I'm not back there, am I?"

"No," Todd reassured, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You're not back there. We won't let you go back. I promise you."

Dirk nodded.

"Did you think you were?"

"I thought... They were monitoring my mind, trying to see... I don't want to go back there - "

"You won't," Todd insisted. He sounded so sure that Dirk couldn't help trusting it. He clung to him, taking a deep breath to try and calm down a little. 

"Thank you."

"It's alright Dirk. You're safe." Todd ruffled his hair fondly, hugging him against his chest. Dirk could feel Todd's breaths, stable and grounding. He tried to match them. 

Todd yawned, pulling Dirk against him in the bed. 

"We should rest," he told Dirk and Dirk didn't want to argue, not when Todd was there, and real. He lay on Todd's chest, watching him, too afraid to fall asleep, but enjoying seeing the emotions playing on Todd's face. After a while he looked peaceful. Dirk closed his eyes for a brief moment, before taking another look - just to check Todd was still there.


	23. Extra Terrestrial: Alien Abduction - Todd and Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 8: Extra Terrestrial  
> 23 - Alien Abduction (Todd and Dirk)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (If Todd is honest with himself, this isn't even the weirdest Wednesday he's had this month. Warnings: None)

Judging by the fact that Todd's head hurt and his mouth was dry, he suspected he might have been hit over the head a few hours ago. He opened his eyes, finding himself staring up at a blue light which pulsated slowly. He groaned, trying to turn away, and found that he was stuck in place. His first thought was that he was handcuffed, but he had been handcuffed before and he knew how handcuffs felt; particular points of pressure, trapping you in place. This was different. It felt as though he had been glued down. 

He tried to wriggle free but he couldn't seem to move. He whined softly, yelping as something poked into his side. There was another poke against him and he looked up to see a green tentacle curled like a question mark beside him. He followed it back and found a creature that appeared to be a pair of eyes floating among a pile of tentacles. It reminded him of a Pokemon or something from a game he used to play when he was younger. 

"Whuh?" Todd asked eloquently. The thing that he was faced with chittered and wiggled its tentacles in different ways. Todd groaned.

"Todd, is that you?" Dirk called out, and Todd couldn't help feeling relieved that Dirk was here. Because this entire thing looked like it was going to be weird; and Dirk was very good at weird. 

"Yeah. You okay?"

"I'm fine. Farah's already been taken off, so that's good."

"Is it?" Todd whined. His head hurt a lot and he was tired.

"You hit your head," Dirk told him. "They appeared and you did a rather undignified flail and then fell over onto the coffee table. So they're keeping you in for observation - "

"Dirk, they're aliens. Aliens observing you isn't a good thing."

"They're helping," Dirk said and Todd felt a slight burst of relief as Dirk stepped into his view. Dirk rested a hand on his arm and that at least felt normal.

"Are we in space?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Todd. They've parked while we're helping them."

"We're helping them?"

"They've hired us for a simple enough case. They've lost one of their children in the sewer system. I've already promised we'll rescue the - " Dirk made a range of squeaking noises that made Todd cringe slightly. "But the little one will be asleep during daylight and that means they're invisible, and anyway they wanted to check you were recovering."

"Their baby is invisible?" Todd asked, because he was pretty sure that was what Dirk had said.

"Only when it's asleep. It's a pretty clever survival strategy actually, so - "

Todd frowned, gazing up at the ceiling and letting Dirk's voice wash over him. That was just as familiar as Dirk's touch, reassuring even when Dirk's words were bizarre. 

Now Dirk was talking to the aliens. It turned out there were at least eight of them, each a different shade of green - one brilliant lime, some emerald, others others a more muted fern. There was one that moved a little slower at the back, larger than the rest and olive coloured. All of them were waving their tentacles were waving as they spoke. One held up a small device, which projected an image of a tiny one of them, only the size of a normal one's tentacle. It was a sea green, bouncing from tentacle to tentacle and occasionally doing a full flip.

"That's the baby one," Dirk informed him. Todd nodded slowly.

"The invisible one."

"We'll look when they aren't invisible."

"Why... Why are we helping aliens, Dirk?"

"Not helping them would be rather impolite, I feel. I mean, I don't want to discriminate; just because a client is a little more tentacled than normal is no reason to provide them with an inferior service." Dirk frowned at him, seemingly offended by Todd even questioning him. Todd took a couple of slow, deep breaths, reminding himself that they were currently on a spaceship and this wasn't the time to argue. Dirk beamed at him, and Todd rolled his eyes but smiled back.

"How did they get your number, Dirk?"

"Oh, Thor," Dirk said offhandedly, before smiling at him. "No, they saw my advert in the paper. I apparently seemed like the kind of person they needed to rescue - " Again he did the series of squeaks. Todd rolled his eyes again slightly but nodded in acceptance. Sometimes, there was just no point in arguing with Dirk logic. He had learned that the hard way, and had no desire to suffer another headache attempting to do so.

"So now..."

"We wait for the baby to wake up," Dirk answered. Todd considered it and shrugged a little. 

This wasn't even the weirdest Wednesday he had had this month.


	24. Extra Terrestrial: Tentacles - Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 8: Extra Terrestrial  
> 24 - Tentacles (Dirk)  
> Beta: TriffidsandCuckoos  
> (Mona gets clingy and Dirk's latest desk plant is evil. (Technically, this is a break from tradition, carrying on from the previous ficlet) Warnings: None)

Dirk was very relieved that he'd been able to return a baby alien to its parents and relatives; partially because it was always satisfying to complete a job well, but mostly because the alien parents were getting a little anxious and he wasn't sure Seattle was ready for eight rampaging aliens, even those acting with the best of intentions.

They had left and the only sign they had ever been there was the extra money in the account, the emerald that they had gifted to Dirk, and the plant that was on Dirk's desk which the little one had insisted on leaving.

Dirk frowned, looking up from his paperwork to find the plant wasn't there. He sighed, looking across the desk, trying to decide where it had got to this time.

"Todd?" Dirk called out. "Tooooddddd...."

"Yeah?" Todd looked up, and swore when he realised what was wrong. "You lost your plant?"

"Yeah." Dirk sighed, glancing up in case it was resting on the ceiling again. It wasn't.

"You've got to stop letting it wander. It's a plant. They aren't meant to wander."

"I know." Dirk frowned over at the kitchen, where he could see a leaf poking up from a worktop. He got to his feet and found that the plant was sat in the sink, looking perfectly innocent, as though it was enjoying the sunshine. With a sigh he picked it up, running a finger over its silver leaves.

"What are you doing out there? You want sunshine?" He carried it through to the office, placing it on a windowsill and pouring some lemonade on a saucer which he put down beside it. "You need to stay where I put you, okay?"

Its silver leaves sparkled a little in the sunshine. Dirk returned to working on his paperwork, only to feel something grab his leg, weight pulling at him. He glanced down to see a small kitten which had tentacles sprouting from its back attempting to climb his leg.

A lot of people when faced with an image like that might have yelled. Dirk just smiled and picked the kitten up carefully, gently booping his nose against hers.

"Hello," he greeted her. "You don't want me doing paperwork either, do you, Mona?"

Mona mewled in her own greeting, her tentacles all swaying from side to side. Dirk reached out to see if they would accept patting. The tentacles wrapped around his hand, holding onto him tightly.

Dirk shook his hand a little - not roughly enough to hurt Mona, just seeing if he was going to be held in place or not. Mona wasn't letting go. He rolled his eyes at this, but settled her down on his lap, his fingertips brushing through her soft fur. He murmured to her gently, and slowly the tentacles relaxed their grasp.

"Good..." he soothed. 

Todd looked over at her and shook his head in despair. "You've got to stop her watching horror films."

"I think it's quite cute," Dirk told him firmly, looking at Mona with fondness. "Extra wiggles. Like a puppy tail."

Todd stared at him curiously.

"I'm honestly not sure if you're joking or not," Todd muttered and Dirk shrugged, glancing over at the windowsill to check that the plant was still where it was meant to be.

Dirk grinned at him, and Todd shook his head. He could see that Todd wasn't annoyed about it, not really. He was just teasing, but that was alright. 

Mona had retracted her tentacles and now she was simply a fluffy white kitten, purring softly up at him now that she was comfortable in his lap. He patted her encouragingly and reached over for his paperwork, filling in the forms that Farah had said they needed to complete. 

Carefully, he guided Mona up into his pocket.

"I should get some tea. Do you want anything, Todd?"

"Coffee."

Dirk headed into the kitchen, filling the kettle and adding a teabag to one cup and coffee grains to another. He added the water and milk, then walking back in and frowning when he saw the paperwork that had been on his desk was gone.

"Shit!"

The plant was surrounded by shreds of paper and looked rather smug. Dirk glared, put the cups down, and grabbed another form.


	25. Recovery:Loss of Possessions - Dirk and Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 9: Recovery  
> 25 - Loss of Possessions (Dirk and Todd)  
> 26 - Forgiveness (Amanda and Todd)  
> 27 - Corporal Punishment (Dirk and Todd)
> 
> Day 9: Recovery  
> 25 - Loss of Possessions (Dirk and Todd)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (Dirk panics when things of his disappear. Warnings: Past abuse, PTSD)

Dirk was rather proud of the collection of mugs the agency had acquired. There was a rainbow one that Dirk liked using, a grey mug with a silver sheriff's star that Hobbs had given to Farah, a slightly chipped blue cup with stars that Todd tended to use, and a pink one that was covered in glitter and had Mona's name on it. Previously, Dirk had mistaken the last of the mugs for Mona herself, but it turned out that the mug was another of Hobbs' gifts. Mona, who had been being a spoon, had been very confused by Dirk trying to talk to the cup. Alongside this, there were a couple of other ones that they had picked up, all brightly coloured and decorated.

Each of the mugs was a sign of how the team had settled down. How they had built their lives together, and had become a family. . Still, the rainbow one was his favourite. A couple of days after they had set up the office, Todd had walked in and placed that mug down in front of Dirk.

"What is that?" Dirk had asked, picking it up and looking it over carefully, not sure whether or not Todd had given him a clue.  
"Yours now. You keep stealing my cups." Todd had explained, as though he wasn't giving him a present. Dirk had clutched it to his chest at that, and had placed it in pride of place on his desk, right next to his computer mouse.

Every day since then he would fetch the cup from its spot by the kettle where he left it every evening, make some tea, and bring it back to his desk. "As he went about his day, he would occasionally look at the mug, still placed on his desk from when he had had his morning tea, and smile, a gentle reminder that, even after the case he was working on was over, he wasn't going to be alone.

It was a Tuesday morning when he came down from the bedroom he shared with Todd to discover something was wrong. Todd had gotten up early, headed off to do some shopping, and Dirk had allowed himself an extra hour of time in bed before going down to work.

Farah looked over at him as he entered the room, sipping a coffee.  
"Good of you to join us." She greeted sarcastically.  
He flashed her an apologetic smile as he walked over to his desk. He swung his orange jacket over the back of his chair before walking over to make himself some coffee, and promptly froze at what he saw.

His cup wasn't there.

He stared at the empty space in horror, trying to understand how this could be possible. He didn't know where it could possibly be. He looked over at his desk, and saw no sign of the cup there. He checked the sink, but it was empty. He even checked the rubbish bin, just in case it had ended up there somehow, but his efforts were in vain. Panicking, he found he couldn't breathe. He gasped for air, looking around wildly, and after a few seconds Farah was at his side, guiding him down onto the sofa and rubbing his shoulders, the way he did for her when she had a panic attack.

"Dirk? What's wrong?" She sounded worried, and he didn’t want to frighten her. Frightening people was bad.

He couldn't understand. He didn't know what he had done. He had been a little late to work. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe that was what he had done to be bad. He hadn't meant to be bad. Ignorance was no excuse. If you were bad then you lost nice things, and they shouldn't have to tell you what was wrong. You should know. 

He was aware he was still gasping desperately, and that Farah was holding him. She was talking to him, and he tried to block out the noises from his past, the shouts and reminders, and tried to listen to her. It wasn't easy, but she was his friend. If he wanted to be a good person, to not be bad, he had to listen to his friends, he had to help.

"Dirk? What's wrong?,” Farah asked, her hands still applying a light, comforting pressure on Dirk’s shoulders. “Tell me, and I can try and fix it." She sounded so kind. Farah and Todd had always been good to him. If he was being punished, he deserved that. His friends still were owed his attention. He was meant to be honest, to help his friends. He didn’t want to be bad.

"My cup isn't there," he explained, quietly.

"Huh?" Farah asked gently, clearly confused. It hadn't been her that had taken it, then. It had been Todd, and in a way that was worse. Todd had held him close, made him feel safe, and not told him he was going to be punished. That hurt him. He took a deep breath, trying not to cry.  
"My... my cup isn't there. The rainbow one."  
"You can use mine?" Farah offered. Dirk couldn't even reply to that, knowing she was trying to help, but worried that if he accepted, her cup would be taken away as well. 

Her arms were around him, and Dirk leaned against her. He tensed when he heard Todd's key in the lock. He hoped that the cup hadn't been broken. If it was still intact, maybe he could get it back. He whimpered softly, and then the door was open. Todd was crouched in front of him in mere seconds, but Dirk couldn't bring himself to look up at him. He was sniffling. Todd squeezed his hands.  
"Dirk? Dirk, talk to me."  
Dirk shook his head, feeling ashamed, too afraid to ask what he had done wrong. 

"He's upset he can't find his cup." Farah explained, and Todd immediately opened his backpack, pulling out the rainbow cup that Dirk cherished so much. Dirk cringed, afraid that it was going to get destroyed in front of his very eyes.

"Dirk?" Todd pushed the cup into Dirk's hands. Dirk blinked a little, wrapping his fingers around the cup, stroking his fingertips along the ceramic. He took a couple of deep breaths, and smiled shyly up at Todd. Maybe it had just been a warning. He could be good.  
"I'm sorry." Dirk murmured. "I will be better, I promise."  
"Huh?" Todd stared at him.  
"My cup. Please don't-"  
"Dirk?" Todd sighed, and pulled out three boxes from his bag. Each of them had a picture identical to the cup on it.  
"Huh?" Dirk frowned a little at the boxes, reaching out for the one nearest, which Todd handed over. Dirk opened the box, pulling out a cup which matched his own. 

"I..." Todd sighed. "I know you love that cup. And life around here tends to get pretty chaotic, and there's Amanda's friends, so..." He shrugged. "I thought we could get some spares. I was gonna ask Farah to keep them at her place. Then if your cup broke..."

Dirk leaned forwards and kissed him, tears again slipping down his face. Todd held him close.  
Farah cleared her throat.  
"I'll make you some tea."  
Dirk nodded, handing over his cup, relief flooding him. He hadn't been bad, and Todd wasn't angry.


	26. Recovery: Forgiveness - Amanda and Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 9: Recovery  
> 26 - Forgiveness (Amanda and Todd)  
> Beta: Triffidsandcuckoos  
> (Amanda and Todd put their past behind them. Warnings: None)

Todd had always been Amanda's hero, ever since they were children. He had always been amazing in her eyes - playing in bands, going off to college, and doing well. Even when he had gotten sick, he had kept confident, performing whenever he could and always managing to smile when he saw her. He had even taken her to a concert on a day when he hadn't been feeling too badly. Then when she fell ill he had quickly recovered, and used all his time to help her. He left the band and tried to got a stable job so he could afford her medicine. And, more than that, he had never complained at her. He was brave, and kind, and he had always kept her hopes up. Even when she felt broken, he had been by her side. He had run to her house when he couldn't afford a bus.

And then she found out the truth: how he had lied, to her and to everyone else; how he'd blamed everyone but himself when he was the one that was ruining it; how he had stolen all of their parents' money, and worse, had let her think he was sick; that he had recovered. It was like missing a step on the stairs, just falling down forever and feeling utterly lost. It was only her guys, the Rowdies, that made life bearable after that. She focused on her journey, on travelling and following the call of the universe, and tried not to spend too much of her energy thinking about her brother.

But the universe kept bringing them together. She wasn't sure if it was the universe's idea of a joke or if it just didn't care about her emotions. She honestly wasn't sure which would be worse.

Dirk and Farah were great, and Amanda liked time with them, but her brother was always there. She remembered Wendimoor: That he had tried to save her, but only because of his own guilt. 

One day she and the guys were enjoying a break, lounging around in a parking lot. Vogel had been eating an icecream and the rest of them had been having a beer, when a bright blue car had driven up, and then disappeared.

Todd was sat where the car had been, looking around in confusion with his arms crossed defensively.

It had been Martin who had approached first, picking up a squeaky toy from beside Todd and leaning in to glare at him.

"You want me to eat him, Drummer?"

Amanda found herself considering the offer, before shaking her head. 

"Don't want you getting indigestion," she muttered, so that Todd knew she wasn't refusing for his sake. "Why are you here?"

"...Because Dirk's sister decided to kidnap me," he muttered, pointing at the squeaky toy, which squeaked innocently. Martin threw the toy over to Amanda and she patted it gently on the head. 

"Thanks, Mona. It's good to see you." 

Mona squeaked happily but continued to be a doll. 

"So why did she bring you here, Todd?"

"I..." Todd sighed. "I was saying I missed you, howI wanted to talk to you and sort this out, and stuff. And then she abducted me. Which was not very friendly of you, Mona."

Mona didn't respond. Amanda popped her in a jacket pocket, wanting her to feel secure.

"Sounds like she was trying to help," she pointed out. "Don't think you deserve it, but she brought you here for a reason."

"I... I do miss you," Todd admitted. "I was a jerk. I messed up, and as soon as things started going wrong, it just spiralled out of control. It's not an excuse. But I never wanted to hurt you. I never knew you'd get sick."

Amanda shrugged.

"If I hadn't, you'd have kept lying."

"Yeah," Todd admitted. "I wish I wouldn't have. But yeah, I would have done. You... You were the reason I wanted to get better, so if you hadn't gotten sick....it was a mistake I would have kept making."

"It...it wasn't a mistake Todd. It was… You knew what you were doing." Her voice trembled, and Todd nodded slowly.

"Yeah," he agreed. "It was deliberate. I did it because I was...because I didn't think anyone would get hurt. And it did hurt people. I'm...I'm a better person now. But I'm still... I'm still learning. And I miss my sister."

Amanda nodded. She wanted to just tell him to leave - to get him to go away, to forget all of it. But that wouldn't solve anything. She reached out and squeezed his hand.

"Yeah. Well, jerk, I miss my brother too. And I'm angry. I'm so... so fucking angry. About all of it. But I can't... I won't hate you forever. We can.. We can talk. We can work on this."

"Thank you." Todd paused. "Do you think you could ask Mona to drive me back?"

Amanda rolled her eyes, but picked the squeaky toy from her pocket.

"Mona, do you think you could be a car and take Todd home?"

Mona didn't respond. Todd glared and Amanda looked over at the guys. There was nowhere in particular that they were headed. They were just travelling, looking for the universe to intervene. 

Part of her was tempted to just leave him where he was. But she was determined to be the better person - to fix this, and maybe one day her and Todd could be close once more.

"Okay. We'll take you home." 

Todd smiled a little at her, and despite herself she smiled back.


	27. Recovery: Corporal Punishment - Dirk and Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 9: Recovery  
> 27 - Corporal Punishment (Dirk and Todd)  
> Beta: SlytherinPirate  
> (Dirk struggles to cope, and Todd finds a way to help put it right. Warnings: Past abuse, poor coping methods. Thanks to Sam for his suggestion about what went wrong)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to Lourdesdeath, and a huge thank you to both SlytherinPirate and TriffidsandCuckoos for all of their help with putting this together!

Todd had never pictured himself as being the romantic type. When he was in a band, it had been easy to get girls. He had never found it hard to get a one night stand whenever he wanted it. He had had a few girlfriends in high school, and had a reputation for being a bit of a ladies’ man. He hadn't minded that reputation -- the girls had never had an kind of complaint, and they all had a good time. With Dirk, things were different.

Dirk deserved romance, and he absolutely loved it. Todd enjoyed seeing the way Dirk seemed to relish every touch of kindness. He would give him gifts, make him tea, and cook with him. Dirk was just as good to Todd as Tod was to him, too. Sometimes Dirk said the wrong thing, but he would never intentionally hurt Todd, and Todd tried to remember that when things went wrong.

Today was definitely one of the days where not everything was going right. It had started off well, the two of them together in the bed and then sharing a shower, but when they had reached the office it had gone wrong. Mona had been being a puppy, and Todd understood the importance of respecting her agency, but she had been trying to chew his shoe and it had hurt. So he had kicked her off, and she had gone and whimpered over by Farah, who had shot Todd a look as though he was somehow the bad guy here.

He had tried to ignore it, focusing on his coffee and on the notes he was working on, noticing a discrepancy in the timelines.  
"Dirk, I think that guy you spoke to yesterday was lying."  
"Thank you, Todd." Dirk flashed a brilliant smile at him. "You really are very good at spotting liars; I imagine your past experience helped you a--" Dirk's voice faltered slightly, and Todd closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
"I'm going for a walk." Todd informed him, getting up out of his chair and heading towards the door.  
"Todd?" Dirk called, but Todd wasn't in the mood to speak to him. Anger was coursing through him, much of it aimed at himself, and he needed to get away from Dirk before he snapped back, because Dirk didn't mean to hurt when he said that kind of shit. It was just Dirk being Dirk, but it still fucking sucked. He walked out of the agency, glancing down at his shoe and being unimpressed at the tiny indents of dog-teeth he could see in the leather.

He could calm down. He had to calm down, because Dirk deserved that. He contemplated buying Dirk some flowers or something while he was out, but he decided against it -- he hadn't been the one in the wrong this time, and the last thing he wanted was to encourage Dirk's more insensitive remarks. So he just went for a walk around a few blocks, focusing on breathing slowly and letting go of the annoyance he felt. He knew that he had been a liar before. He had learned from it. He was trying to move on from his past mistakes, and so having Dirk throw them back in his face hurt.

He continued to walk, fingers itching at his side for a cigarette, but eventually he just walked back to the agency. Farah was still at her desk, but excused herself with a glance towards Dirk the moment Todd arrived, taking Mona with her -- the puppy now had a leash, and Todd found himself wondering if the leash was also Mona, or if Farah's preparation for all eventualities went further than he realised. Dirk was sat at his desk, his entire figure tense.  
"Hey." Todd greeted him, and Dirk looked up and smiled nervously.  
"Hi, Todd!" He swallowed, glancing at the door which swung closed behind Farah. "I'm sorry about earlier. I hurt you, didn't I?"  
"Yeah." Todd agreed, and Dirk cringed a little where he was sat, wrapping his arms around himself. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as though trying to think of an adequate excuse and failing to find one. Eventually, he looked up at Todd and sat a little straighter.  
"It was wrong of me." Dirk admitted, and Todd was relieved he knew this, seeing it as a chance to escape further awkwardness. But Dirk was still looking concerned.  
"I'm sorry. What is going to happen now?"  
"Uh, huh?" Todd murmured, wondering if he could get a coffee.  
"What's going to happen? Because... I like spending time with you. I don't want to lose that. Maybe just... hit me and get it over with."

Todd walked around the desk to stand in front of him.  
"What?"  
"Well, if you hit me you'll feel better?" Dirk suggested, and Todd could feel his insides twisting into knots. He took a few shaky breaths, trying to work out what he could say.  
"Dirk, I don't want to hit you."  
"I upset you. I don't want you to feel angry about it."  
"Then...we can talk about it." Todd muttered, leaning against the desk for support, trying to work out how to handle this.  
"Yeah, but you're still angry, so..."

Todd stared at him in disbelief.  
"Dirk, you can't really think I'm going to hit you."  
"I'd..." Dirk started, and then looked at the floor. "I'm making you more upset, aren't I?"  
Todd shrugged, then looked over at Dirk. He took a deep breath and then gently bopped Dirk on the forehead. Dirk blinked up at him in confusion, and Todd shrugged.  
"Don't do it again, okay?"

Dirk smiled up at him and nodded. Todd could see the tension had bled out from him. "Want to get some ice cream?" Todd suggested. Dirk nodded slowly, and Todd took his hand. They would have to talk about what had happened more in future. For today, they just needed some time. He could give Dirk that.


End file.
